Dinner

Mom: Put the remote over there.
A.: Mom, I'm sitting over there!
Mom: You have plenty of room.
A.: I don't want to eat over a remote!
Mom: No wonder you couldn't get along with your roommate! Besides, he meant well.
A.: My cat means well when she walks on me when I'm typing, or sewing. That doesn't mean it's not annoying.
Mom: I'm not talking about your cat. Your cat is stupid.
A.: How do you know?
Mom: Just from observing her. Would you say your roommate is stupid?
A.: I'd say he lacks emotional intelligence, among other things. He's like those people on planes that won't stop talking to you even though it's clear that you're not interested.
Mom: You have had issues with previous roommates.
A.: Not really. I mean, living with people always entails compromise and minor annoyance, but up to this past year, I'd always gotten along well with my roommates. I'm still friends with most of them, and the others have just drifted apart.
Mom: No, I remember you had issues with Kevin.
A.: No, no I didn't. I mean, if I did, they were pretty minor. We got along well and we're still friends.
Mom: No, I remember. There were issues.
A.: Whatever you say.

***
Mom: I don't know how you do it without all these stores that we have at our fingertips. I mean, everything is right here. Mind you, the city is full of corrupt bureaucrats--six figures they pay those people. And the departing mayor! Why do people only elect idiots?

A.: Mom, it's hard for me to understand what you're saying when you chew and talk at the same time.

Mom: And so many Jews in this town, too. Jews always elect a$$holes. Why is that?

A.: Mom, you're spilling cabbage on yourself.

Mom: No, not on myself. It fell on the chair.