more response

It took me years to get a job offer there--I applied four times. But I kept going because I knew it was the right thing for me and I knew I was right for them. I don't know if I'd ever have that kind of confidence about my compatibility with another human, or at least my ability to eventually convince another human of that compatibility. It's like the idea that when you know you have the right address, you keep driving until you find it, because you know it's there. But if you're not sure, you don't try as hard. I have a much harder time grasping for something abstract.
I may well want something more creative in the future, but right now, I don't know what that is, and in the meantime, I love my job (most of the time), and it's a great opportunity to learn and refine many skills. It's a different approach, and one that I admit works because I'm far from miserable. I sometimes wonder whether, had I been less miserable at my previous job, whether I would have fought as hard for this one. In that sense, complacency can be dangerous, and I have to ask myself whether that's what's going on. And at least for now, I can honestly say that I'm happy with what I'm doing and that doing it will make me better for whatever future opportunities I come across, or actively find. Because that's the other thing about both dream jobs and dream mates: you waste the opportunity unless you're ready for it. As for the mate thing, I go back and forth--some days, I find myself in a good place for connecting with other people; other days, I wouldn't date me.

***
This letter to Carolyn Hax is a case in point to my earlier rant about how people focus on the wedding ceremony at the expense of more substantive issues, and Carolyn's response sums this up brilliantly. My favorite part:

The more you ask life to grace you with improbable things (such as, perfection in a catered event involving alcohol and family members), the more gleefully life giggles when it barfs on your dress.