That question is always in the back of my mind in dating decisionmaking because the last stretch of my last relationship was characterized by my getting frustrated at F. for not being able to make a single arrangement--beyond the ones I later realized he was passive-aggressive about because he wasn't interested. I'd already given up on expecting (or asking) him to come up with plans on his own initiative--I just kept lowering my expectations, and he continued to fail to meet them. Even things that he wanted to do, he couldn't make happen: he couldn't make a reservation on time--even after I reminded him that the place filled up fast--to a restaurant he cared about more than I did. And yet, even he might have mustered that when we first started dating. Last week's guy can't even muster checking a menu before asking me out for the first time.
The last thing I want is not only another F., but another me in response to someone like F. At the time, I suppressed my frustration, told myself I wasn't entitled to it--that he was just being a guy, that I was asking too much. The behavior continued--it kept getting worse--and so did the frustration, and even as I tried to stifle it, it came out in subtler but nastier ways. If there's one thing I know I don't want in a partner, it's that kind of ineptitude, in part because I know that it would bring out the worst in me.