Dinner

As you may have figured, my family doesn't celebrate Christmas. This never stopped my mother for piling on a guilt trip whenever I made other Christmas plans, but that's another story. Dinner tonight was the usual dinner at my parents' house.

Mom: I'm not even hungry.

Pause

Mom: Do you like sour cabbage?
A.: Sometimes.

Five minutes later

Mom: Do you want some herring?
A.: No, thank you.
Mom: What, does it swim in the wrong place?
A.: Actually, herring is one of the most sustainable (and healthy) fish out there, but as you well know, I've never liked it.

Pause

Mom: Do you like sour cabbage?
A.: You already asked me that.
Mom: Why aren't you having any?
A.: Because I already have plenty to eat.
Mom: I'm not hungry either. Do you like seaweed salad?
A.: I do.
Mom: Then why aren't you having any?
A.: I have enough to eat. Thank you.
Mom: You've become more dogmatic about food.
A.: Perhaps. As I recall, I've been pretty "dogmatic" about food for a while. [Hence my becoming a vegetarian at the age of 13.]
Mom: One shouldn't be dogmatic about anything.
A.: [In my head: except the Obama's administration's alleged march to socialism?] I grew up caring about the environment because you raised me to care about the environment. If you're going to eat seafood, you may as well do it with less impact on the oceans. As an added bonus, wild Gulf shrimp and wild Pacific salmon taste better.

Pause

Mom: What's with your hands?
A.: They're just cracked from the cold.
Mom: You should train them?
A.: What?
Mom: You can train your body to acclimate to any circumstances. I used to have a manager who walked barefoot, everywhere. He was a drunk, but a good guy. We were on business once in Uzbekistan...

at which point mom launches into an epic tale of a business trip to Uzbekistan, forgetting, at one point, why it had come up.

Mom:...oh, now I remember. Yes: he walked barefoot, on just about anything.

***
Dad: Would you like lemon in your tea?
A.: No, thank you.
Mom: See!
A.: Mom, I love lemon. I put lemon in just about everything. Is it such a big deal that I don't want lemon in my tea? Do we have to turn it into a philosophical issue?
Mom: [Shrug]