Meta-metaresponse

There are statistics, I agree, but they weren't cited in the article. And as I've said, I don't take issue with the book, just with the way the article was headlined.

I'm not sure bringing up analogous situations is the same as comparing. My perspective remains that it is not a contest and that it's important to understand what's unique and what's shared. For example, I find a lot of commonality in immigrant stories, coming of age or otherwise. Among immigrants of different backgrounds, there are experiences that are shared and others that are particular to a country or region. I find it frustrating that some Latina writers (I don't know why I say "Latina"--perhaps because I've read more books like this written by women) co-opt the immigrant experience as if were unique to immigrants from the Americas. There are significant differences--and while I can identify with many immigrant coming of age stories, whether in books, stories, articles, etc., regardless of the ethnicity of the writer, the identification is visceral when the writer is Gary Shteyngart and David Bezmozgis. It's interesting to me to understand why--what is it that separates the Eastern European immigrant story from the others? Or the Latina/a, Asian, African, Caribbean, etc.

So, that's not necessarily relevant because growing up immigrant isn't a "negative situation." Nonetheless, my argument remains: it's important for me to understand what's unique and what's shared. And I don't think it's the same as the birthday/chores issue, because it's not a negotiation or a contest. I just don't see how saying that dating's no picnic for most white women either detracts from the conversation about the dating woes of black women. But as you suggested, let's agree to disagree. Here's another analogy, and it ties into the "picky" thing: gay men and lesbians often complain that straight people will set them up with anyone who happens to be gay. Valid complaint, and I'm sure it hits them disproportionately, but uniquely: some people will set any single person up with anyone else who's single.

So, the picky thing: people do say the same things to white women. Really. Maybe not in the same proportions-- I just don't know. But--I know we're off of the DC angle, but humor me--I think that's a significant part of why it's hard for successful women to date in DC--there are lots of us. And most of them actually have the willingness and ability to tame their Hagrid hair, which puts me at a disadvantage.

I will wholeheartedly agree with you about this:

That said, in general it upsets me when anyone tells anyone else that they're being too picky. What does that mean? The fact is that you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person or spend a ton of money and emotional currency on a divorce if you decide not to. Under those circumstances how can you afford emotionally or fiscally NOT to be picky.

It's your life. This isn't a wedding date; it's someone you'll share good and bad experiences with, many of which will require maturity and integrity. Only let someone into your life at that level with that in mind. This is a whole separate rant, but as "getting married" becomes associated with registries and matching napkins at the reception, people think less about the marriage part--the sickness and health, richer/poorer, etc. It's your life: why wouldn't you be picky?

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The issue with approaching dating with the same attitude as job hunting is that you don't *need* to date to survive. It may be a long, hard and miserable journey, but you can say f* it and opt out, and still pay the bills and move on with your life. It's not so much that I want to give up as that I've kind of de facto given up. There are only 24 hours in a day, 8 that you're not sleeping or working. Something has to give--and that 'something' is different for everyone. For me, forgoing dating isn't a huge sacrifice. Which is not to say that I won't complain that the dating scene sucks.