When I got out of the shower this morning, fully dressed... I mean, I was fully dressed by the time I came out of the bathroom:

Mom: You've really put on weight.

Mom followed me into the guest bedroom, where I found my shoes, put them on.

Mom: You've really put on weight.

We had breakfast/tea. The cranberries had, indeed, gone off, but mom insists that that's how they should be. We're clashing as much as ever because our lifestyles are so different and her lifestyle drives me up the f*ing wall. She hasn't changed--I mean, she's not really doing anything she hasn't always done--but I notice it more and it bothers me more, because I've managed to learn that it's not normal, not how I want to live, and perhaps part of me fears that she'll drag me back in. But I digress.

A.: Mom! Don't stick the knife with hummus on it into the honey!
Mom: Why not? Do you even eat honey? It's my honey.
A.: So? It's gross. Take a clean spoon.
Mom: You're a real klisma.

[Pause]

Mom: So what about this guy you're dating?

I thought (and kind of hoped) she'd never ask. She was previously so obsessed with her friend's son that she couldn't give a shit about whom I was actually dating. I started to fret because I didn't really want to talk about it, but I also suspected that mom wouldn't get far without rocking it back on to her, and I was right.

A.: What about him?
Mom: Do you like him?
A.: I should think so.
Mom: I mean, do you actually have feelings for him?
A.: I don't understand the question.
Mom: Well, some people date someone just because they like to have a boyfriend.
A.: That's always been me.
Mom: Really?
A.: No.
Mom: Does he like you, as well?
A.: Presumably.
Mom: What does he like about you?
A.: [Shrug.]
Mom: Tell me about him.
A.: What do you want to know?
Mom: What does he eat?
A.: He's a vegetarian.
Mom: That's not right. Besides, in a relationship, there should be variety.
A.: [Shrug.]
Mom: Oh, I remembered what I was telling you about yesterday...

And for the next fifteen minutes, mom discussed her exploits when she was my age (and younger), and didn't ask me any other questions.