Mom: You've put on weight, too, you know?
A.: Are you comparing me to Gracie?
Do you people know how fat my cat is?
***
Dad: I slept very poorly last night. Not sure why.
Mom: I'm trying to sleep on the right side because Dr. Oz said it's better.
A.: Actually, I think sleeping on the left is better.
Mom: I don't think so.
A.: I'll look it up.
I go to the computer, look it up.
A.: Dr. Oz said on the left is best for high blood pressure. The Times' Well blog says its also good for heartburn.
Mom: Could you send us those links? I really don't trust the New York Times, but I'll let it go.
A.: Will do.
[Pause]
Mom: I take responsibility for this madness. We read to you. You wouldn't go to sleep as a child until we read to you. That's how you got your fear of imaginary spiders. We read you "The Hobbit".
A.: I know this story mom.
Mom: I still have the paperwork. I still have the diagnosis from Children's Hospital that you wouldn't mentally progress past the age of four.
***
This morning, I was doing yoga. Mom was about to hop in the shower. Dad was about to do laundry. I heard their voices upstairs, then dad came downstairs and went to the basement. Mom called him.
A.: He's not here. He went to the basement.
Mom (from upstairs): Oh.
I heard dad come back downstairs from the basement.
A.: Mom's calling you.
Dad: Mom is always calling me.
A.: I know.
***
I have been able to read, etc. when mom's asleep. Otherwise, she's always calling after me to have me see what's on TV or what's on the internet or to hear her tell me, again, that real writers already know how to write.
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