Saturday afternoon

Mom invited Maria and her son to dinner.

A.: That's going to be awkward.
Mom: I don't understand why you have to be dating someone who's not Jewish.
A.: I have to be dating someone who's not Jewish, because the person I'm dating isn't Jewish.
Mom: Protestants! They're the worst.
A.: What's wrong with you?
Mom: Protestants!
A.: He's as protestant as I'm Jewish. Less so, actually.
Mom: So? His parents are protestant?
A.: So? My mother is bat-shit crazy.
Mom: In what way?
A.: Think about it.

[Pause]

A.: Did you remember the shopping bags?
Mom: You're such a klisma.
A.: I take after you.
Mom: This is true.

[Pause]

Mom: Maria's had her eyes on you since the moment she first saw you.
A.: That's her problem.
Mom: She always thought you were wonderful.
A.: We've spoken five words to each other.
Mom: Maybe that's why she's so entranced. You're not going to charm anyone once you open your mouth.
A.: Did you tell Maria that? And did you tell her I was a klisma?
Mom: Look, I know you're going to do what you think is best--
A.: Well, it is my life.
Mom: --I'm not going to stop you.
A.: It's not really up to you.
Mom: No, if I were to say, don't go out with this guy, it would matter to you.
A.: It would really be your problem and not mine. I would like for you to be supportive, but it is my life.
Mom: Really? You don't care what I think?
A.: I would appreciate your support, but it's not going to influence my choices.
Mom: You say that now.
A.: [Shrug.] What do we have to do about this dinner? Is he a vegetarian?
Mom: No. You can retrain him if you see fit.
A.: I don't retrain people, and I'm spoken for.
Mom: It's not like you're married.
A.: I'm in a relationship where we have agreed that we're not seeing other people.
Mom: With a non-Jew.
A.: Is Maria even Jewish?
Mom: Her husband was!
A.: Ha! That means her son's not Jewish! Ha!
Mom: So?
A.: So your argument is even more ridiculous than it was before.