Mom blog analysis II

It's not just snippiness. It is not a case of my not being able to control my temper. It--snapping at mom--is the only way I have of communicating the message that I will not play by her rules.

It's not just the physical stuff about her lifestyle (i.e. the clutter) that (1) drives me up the wall and (2) is something that I've consciously chosen to move away from. It's the drama queen. And that means I'm not just going to ignore it, I'm going to call her on it.

She was having a fit this morning about oats.

Mom: What's that in the kitchen drain? Oats? Why? Why are they there?
A.: I didn't see them, mom. Sorry, I'll compost them right away.
Mom: Why are they there in the first place? Why didn't you get them out sooner?
A.: Because I didn't see them.
Mom: They shouldn't have been there.
A.: What is the problem, mom? They're no longer there. There! What is the big deal??

She was speechless. It didn't occur to her not to think of the oats as a big deal.

It was the same thing yesterday when we were shopping. Every potential setback, an incitement to losing it. Calm down, mom. Look, you were so distracted complaining about the traffic light that you didn't notice that it turned green a few seconds ago.

***
Case in point

Mom thought she had a massage appointment for tomorrow at 10am. It did not occur to her--and I didn't do the math at the time--that the gym where her friend, the masseuse, works, would be closed on Christmas Day. Her-friend-the-masseuse, incidentally, is the friend who wants to set me up with her son. But her friend just called, asking where we were. Apparently, the appointment was for today. Mom said, "I'll just finish my coffee and we'll be there in half an hour."

I lifted weights yesterday (when mom went all Jewish-mom-guilt-trip on my ass) and wasn't anticipating a trip to the gym tomorrow. I also just hennaed my hair and mom's, so I'm kind of done with anything related to bathing (saunas, hot tubs, etc.) even though I'm usually perfectly game.

A.: Who's we? Do I have to go with you?
Mom: Yes.
A.: Why?
Mom: Because.
A.: It's my time. Why do I have to sit in the gym while you get a massage?
Mom: Because.
A.: No.
Mom: You can hot-tub.
A.: I don't want to. I want to do something with my morning.

This turned into a screaming fight. Dad decided we'd all go together and he and I would go for a walk while mom got her massage.