Mom blog analysis III

Russians have a funny relationship with rules. This occurred to me when I saw my dad push open a door that said "Do Not Enter/Employees Only/Protective Eyewear Required." I saw him do something similar at Lowe's when they last visited--he tried to cut something that was indicated to be the domain of employees. And he saw the signs, both times, and didn't care. In fact, when I yelled at him today for opening that door, he said that people who follow rules all the time never get anywhere.

Last year, he and I and Nina and Nina's mom were looking for a place to park at Houghton's Pond for a winter walk. Nina's mom suggested we park in the handicapped spot because there wouldn't be handicapped people who needed it that day.

I've seen enough of my parents' friends do similarly infuriating things that I really do think there's something cultural to it. They grew up in a time and a place where there were rules everywhere, and those rules were arbitrary and oppressive. It doesn't occur to them that restrictions are likely there for a reason.

I've gotten into arguments with my parents about this kind of thing because I won't accept why they can't just do as requested. It seems like common courtesy. I've also gotten into arguments with my parents because they don't respect my rules, things I've requested of them just because.

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My mom has hardly softened with age, but the effect of her natural brusqueness has. She's always struck me as unintentionally rude, partly because she won't speak in complete sentences. If she stops someone to ask for directions, she won't say, "excuse me--could you please tell me the way to Gloucester Street?" She'll just say "Gloucester Street!" This, of course, has the additional disadvantage of people not always knowing what you're talking about. But my bigger point is that while mom has always been this way and she hasn't gotten any better, people take it better now that she's an elderly lady rather than a middle-aged grumpy woman with an accent. She's not actually grumpy, mind you; she's just Russian, and this inevitably comes off as grumpy. But now, when she yells "no bag!" to the grocery bagger or cashier, he or she is not offended, thinks it's kind of cute. I would still prefer that mom say, "I don't need a bag; thank you," but I can't change mom. I can only take comfort in the fact that the world at large appears to be generally more receptive to how she comes off.