Grrrrr

How do you politely say to someone, “I’d rather read than spend time with you”?

My roommate is still trying to be my friend.

I’d just gotten off the phone, after a long conversation, with an actual friend… after having spent the morning on a long walk with an actual friend… after having had a long dinner the night before with actual friends. I went upstairs to read the paper when RM said, “let’s do something together tonight.”

A.: Er… um… well, I don’t have other plans tonight, but I’ve been really busy and haven’t had a lot of time for myself, so I need some catch-up time.

This is true. I’ve also used it before, and it was also true. But it’s even more true this weekend.

Actual friend with whom I was just on the phone had remarked that people like RM—in the context of this conversation, it was someone she’d dated, but she tied in RM—people who go out of their way to do things “for you” aren’t actually thinking about you. It’s always about them. But I digress.

How do I say to RM, “Spending an evening with you, or even an hour of an evening, is not a good use of my time”? Because that’s what it comes down to. But it’s a terrible thing to say. But he’s put me in that position: I shouldn’t have to come up with an excuse to not spend time with him, just because he happens to live in my house.

Said friend and I also discussed manipulative people. As we were talking, I sat on the futon downstairs, and found crumbs on it. I was livid. This is not something I’m uncomfortable bringing up with roommate, but I wasn’t about to leave them there until I got off the phone, so there’s no longer evidence. My comfort level notwithstanding, I know that if I did bring it up, he’d get all overapologetic and overcompensating, maybe sheepish. And I just don’t want to deal with it. His past behavior being such that I don’t want to deal with it, he is manipulative.

More later… off to mow the lawn.