Weight

Thus far, I've stuck to the facts, i.e. the dialogue as it has happened. After a point, I start wondering how to frame the weight thing. What's funniest about the weight thing? Is it that it's not humanly possible for me to have put on as much weight, cumulatively, as my mother perceives me to have put on? Even taking each event at a time--let's say I put on a noticeable amount of weight at least once--wouldn't it have been memorable enough that mom would have remembered, and not reacted with surprise the next time she saw me with the same added weight? No, she's not afflicted by age-related memory loss. She's always been a bit absent-minded about perceptions she's incurred.

It might be appropriate at this point to let those of you who do not know me or haven't seen me in a while know that I do not weigh 300 pounds. Or 200. Or 150, for that matter. Unless I'm mistaken, I'm not someone that people apart from my mother see and think, 'she must have gone nuts at the buffet table every day for a year,' or 'poor thing, I hope she doesn't have trouble getting around with all that extra weight.' On the flip side, were I a sugar plum fairy, Alastair MaCaulay would most certainly find that I've had more than a few sugar plums too many. While it has been said that at the time I left Boston, when I was 25 years old, I was emaciated, I honestly don't remember ever being emaciated, and I'm certainly not now. My point is, I'm neither rotund, nor frail. My other point is, whatever I may be, it's well time for mom to get over it. It's not interesting, it's not intriguing, and it's not even worth mentioning again.

All this to say, here are the possible frameworks for taking in the mom blog:

(1) Regardless of my actual shape, mom's persistent harping about my weight is what's ridiculous.
(2) Given that my actual shape is not that of a hippopotamus, mom's mom's persistent harping about my weight is particularly ridiculous. If we go with this angle, I may get dad to take a picture.
(3) Mom's issues with my actual shape are particularly ridiculous in light of her constant encouragement to consume fatty and sugary foods, and to dismiss as unhealthy obsessiveness any disinclination to do so.

Pick one or all three. Enjoy