Working on it

Remember how on Friday afternoon, RM said I could count on him if I ever needed anything-- anything at all--and I wasn't sure what he meant by that? Turns out, not much.

Last night, I came in from the backyard and asked whether he'd let Gracie in before he turned in.

RM: Er...
A.: ...or I guess I'll just let her in now.
RM: Yes, better that you let her in now.

I went back outside; couldn't find her, came in to get my flashlight.

RM, in a tone that suggested he'd be doing me a huge favor: If you're tired, I can let her in.
A.: I'm not tired. It's not a problem.

It's not that I didn't have two minutes to let the cat in; it's that I like to leave her out there, in the fresh air, where she can get some exercise, for as long as possible. She likes being outside. But she can't stay out overnight-- she's just not street-smart enough (although RM did leave her out there once, and then denied it-- told me he found her under my bed... which was true, after I'd let her in).

***
Last week, I asked him if he wanted anything at the store as I was heading out.

RM: The truth is, I don't know what I want. I go in there and I'm lost. How about this: I'll give you $20 for you to get whatever you think is best.
A.: I have no idea what you want to eat.

I'm not taking him under my wing and teaching him to cook, first of all. I don't think he honestly wants to learn, and I don't want to spend any quality time with him.

Earlier in the week, I'd asked whether a (wilting) head of lettuce was his.

RM: Doesn't matter: you can eat my food if you want.
A.: Thank you, but I don't want to eat your food. I also don't want food to go bad, and I'm asking because I was under the impression that it was yours, and so I haven't been eating it. But you haven't either, so I just want to make sure.
RM: I don't know. When I buy that kind of food, I forget that I have it.

This is very annoying to me because I hate to see food go to waste, and it's particularly annoying because I feel that he's buying fresh food because he sees me buying fresh food. But buying it doesn't do much good if you're not going to eat it. And then I feel compelled to eat it, and especially in the case of greens, I have plenty of that right now through the CSA, without having to consume my roommate's forgotten food as well.

Also, making one's own food takes time and some skill, and you have to want to do that. Because of the cornucopia of greens in my fridge, I made two kinds of dressing. Is he going to take the time to stir the lumps out of the tahini, or even squeeze a lemon (or grate the lemon zest for the miso dressing)? Once I post this, I'll go pick up the blender that I ordered this morning, so I can make (a) zucchini souffle, (b) lentil-red pepper-roasted garlic puree, and (c) chocolate tofu pudding. Not that I haven't made any of this stuff without a blender, but I've decided that I'm ready for things to be easier. But I digress.

I noticed also during the week that RM bought a massive amount of fruit, i.e. more than any human can consume before it goes bad. Today, he mentioned it.

RM: I'm leaving Tuesday after work and I'll be gone until Sunday...
A., not out loud: Wooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RM: ...so please help me with this fruit, or otherwise throw it away.
A.: Thank you.

Throwing away food, as discussed, is not really an option for me. I guess he's trying to be generous, but I don't want to eat that fruit. First of all, pineapple is a big pain in the ass. He buys it, and I have to cut it up?

By the way, Kevin also bought lots of fruit that he let go bad, and I resented him for it, too.

I know I'm kind of being a jerk. I half-jokingly blogged yesterday about how it's good to keep RM around so I don't entirely surround myself with people who have turmeric in their pantries, but it really is important to me to (a) not lose the ability to live with people, which I think is a valuable skill, and (b) not become my mother. In this case, that means not resenting someone, much less chewing them out, whenever they try to help. It kind of scares me that that's my gut response whenever RM tries to do something nice. Mind you, most of the time there's some serious error in judgment on his part, but other times, I need to be more tolerant and accepting. I'm working on it.