Mom takes a stab at subtlety

I'm sitting here, minding my own business, reading the paper, when mom pops in.

Mom: A., I have a question for you... you've clearly put on weight since the spring. Why do you think that is.
A.: ??
Mom: Is it because it's been hot out, so you've been moving less?

Moving less? I bike, on average, fifty miles a week over three days; I lift weights, with cardio drills in between, another three days; my "rest" day normally entails yoga and/or yardwork. So, no, I have not been moving less.

A.: I've been moving plenty.
Mom: I mean, your physical appearance has clearly changed and you're bulkier.
A.: [shrug]
Mom: Maybe because it's the summer?
A.: I doubt it.
Mom: You've changed. Your stomach has gotten really big.
A.: [shrug]

In case you've forgotten, my stomach was already enormous in the spring.

***
last night

Jay: There's nothing wrong with your stomach. Really. I keep looking at it just in case I missed something, but nothing turns up. You do have a bedonkeydonk.
A.: Then WTF?
Jay: Do you have to ask?

earlier yesterday

Jay: Well, I was looking at our Panama pictures the other day, and you were emaciated. Twinkie thin.
A.: Yes but that ship has sailed. A while ago.

I was twenty-four when we went to Panama.

Jay: I'm just saying. Not suggesting emaciated is good.
A.: For better or for worse, this is what I look like. This is my body shape. If I were going to shed pounds, I would have shed them this summer without even trying. But I didn't, which means this is the body I am going to have to live with.
Jay: You're. Not. Fat.