Crisis: a gallon of milk

I got some milk this morning--we stopped at the market after our walk--and I'm still hearing about it.

We were in the checkout line when she first noticed it. I mean, she knew I was getting milk, but she balked at the size.

Mom: That won't even fit in the fridge!
A.: Sure it will.
Mom: It will put too much pressure on the shelves!
A.: What??
Mom: It's too heavy.
A.: Your year-old, state-of-the-art fridge can't handle a gallon of milk?
Mom: What are you going to do with so much milk?
A.: Make oatmeal. Besides, I'm not the only one in the house who drinks milk.

We got home. I put it in the fridge.

Mom: You're going to break the shelves!
A.: No, I'm not.

Periodically, every time she opened the fridge, mom would say, "I can't believe you got that much milk! Why get so much milk??"

Then, mom noticed that it was 1 percent milk, and all hell broke loose.

Mom: What? I'm going to spill it down the drain!
A.: Could you let it go, mom?
Dad: You were going to take a nap, T.
Mom: Can you imagine the level of derangement that one must attain to be drinking reduced-fat milk??
Dad: Would you stop slamming other people's taste? If she likes it, let her drink it.
Mom: She doesn't like it! She drinks it because it's politically correct! [continues to rant as she walks away]