Mom Madness: call for nominations

I'm sure I've already vented on these pages about the most annoying repeating on-hold message ever, which is any variation of, "for help with your issue, please visit our website." I've already established that in matters of customer service, I'd rather not involve a human unless absolutely necessary, so if I'm calling, it's because my issue is not one that can be resolved online.

I called the airline; the recorded message estimated a hold time of six minutes. Twenty minutes later, someone picked up. I requested a vegetarian meal for the return trip. Apparently, they don't do special meals for travel to and from South America. Only Europe and Asia. She said there might be a vegetarian choice anyway. This is just as well for the way there-- Marcela reminded us that we will be at over 9000 ft when we arrive and recommended that we don't eat for 3 hours prior to arrival or 2 hours after arrival, as "this altitude really messes with your digestive tract." Sounds good to me. What was that line in "The Devil Wears Prada"-- 'I'm just one bad stomach flu away from my goal weight,' or something like that.

Incidentally, I'm not. In the last two weeks, I've exploded, which is very upsetting. It was a combination of party leftovers and restaurant week. If mom could see me now, she would fear for the endangered species I'll be near, on account of my stomach's pulling them into its orbit.

Speaking of mom and the distraction that my massive stomach presents to her, she will indeed visit in a few weeks--the theatre tickets are bought--so now is the time to send in (or comment) your nominations for Mom Madness. I'll post the grid when it's ready. See last year's post for ideas.