New addition to the 'physical defects' bracket of Mom Madness

A.: Hello?
Mom: Where are you?
A.: Home.
Mom: Then how come your computer's off?
A.: It's on.
Mom: But you're not on Skype.
A.: No.
Mom: I want to show you a jacket--turn on Skype.

Mom: There you are! You're a little discolored. It might be the video. Do we look discolored?
A.: No.
Mom: I guess our web camera is better than your web camera.
A.: So, this jacket...
Mom: Let me go get it. Talk to dad.

Dad and I talk. Mom reemerges with the jacket.

A.: Looks awfully big, mom.
Mom: Well, it's too small for me.
A.: What material is it?
Mom: It's a good material.
A.: ??
Mom: Huh... 40 percent polyester...
A.: Eh.
Mom: It looks good.
A.: I really can't say anything without trying it on.

Mom: So you're going to keep your hair long?
A.: I guess.
Mom: I see a gray streak...
Dad: Nothing wrong with that. It's elegant.
Mom: I agree...

Mom: Eyebrows just like your dad's... hopefully they won't start curling. Something's up with your smile... it's not very full. You could use some collagen implants.
Dad: Please.
Mom: Seriously--people do it all the time. It's not even considered plastic surgery--not that there's anything wrong with that.
Dad: Her smile is fine.
Mom: But with collagen implants, it would be perfect.
Dad: It's fine.
Mom: Your skin doesn't look bad...
A.: So, what are you up to this weekend?
Mom: We're going to the opera--well, to a simulcast.
A.: Cool!

The subject changed, we managed to have an inoffensive conversation.