More on the art of listening

On my way to work yesterday, I once again find myself puzzling over RM and his tendency to trample all the boundaries I try to establish and to ignore everything I've told him about not trying to be my friend/parent.

I just don’t *understand* him. I don’t understand people who just don’t listen. I mean, I should be able to by now, because my mom just doesn’t listen, but I haven’t gotten any better, over the years, at comprehending this kind of behavior. Don’t people want to listen? Isn’t it a great way to gather information that helps you in your behavior and decision-making? Why would you just ignore the evidence in front of you, presented to you by another person with the intent of helping you understand the situation? Why?

Later in the day, I went to get a veggie burger out of the freezer in the kitchenette by my office, which made me think of a recent occurrence at work (of low importance/drama) that demonstrated a plain vanilla lack of listening skills. By which I mean, there's not room for ulterior motivation (my roommate, and my mom, very much hear what they want to hear).

Anyway, at the picnic the other day, a friend/picnic organizer came up to me and said, “we have bad news… but there’s also good news.” I thought the dessert I’d brought had been overturned or spilled to the ground. It was just a veggie burger mix-up, though.

In the kitchenette, I had a big box of veggie burgers in the freezer. A friend had gotten them for me from Costco, and I opted to leave them at work, where she brought them, rather than risk having them thaw on the way home. I stuck a label on them with my name and the date, so that they wouldn’t be tossed out in a random fridge cleaning.

The picnic organizers charged with procuring the vegetarian sustenance had also placed boxes of veggie burgers in the freezer, and labeled those boxes with the name of another organizer, whose job it was to transport those boxes to the picnic.

As you may have guessed, he took my box instead. Which is fine—we agreed that I would just take the boxes originally meant for the picnic. I didn’t know exactly how many burgers I’d had left, and it didn’t matter much—it was about the same.

The lack of drama aside, neither of us understood why this guy, who was given clear instructions to grab two small boxes, in a CVS bag, and labeled with his name, instead grabbed one big box, in a different bag, labeled with a different name. I mean, why would you do that?

Is it a personality type thing? Are some people just not good with details? That was a rhetorical question, as is this next one: do some people just. not. listen?

That last one is not a rhetorical question: why the f* not?? I mean, as I established in the first paragraph of this post, it’s a no-brainer—it’s a flat-out beneficial behavior. It’s like exercise, except it doesn’t even require exertion. It’s all gain, no pain. Why, why, why do some people eschew it?

***
As I headed to the gym, something else reminded me of RM, and all of the sudden, it hit me: I have a live-in parent. I was very careful to find a roommate that would be trustworthy, considerate, etc., and ended up with something I didn't want because I didn't consider it as a possibility, but it's actually hilarious. Especially given my relationship with my actual parents. Whom I actually like.

My roommate thinks I need a live-in parent.

No, scratch that. It's not quite right, gives him too much credit, or shifts the focus too much toward me. He doesn't really think about what I need or don't need. He's a parent, and he lives here, therefore, he acts like a parent. Whether or not I need one is immaterial to him.

But I don't think he's around this weekend, so I'm going to take that as an opportunity to not think about him at all.