It's getting old

Mom called, invited me to the Cape in September.

Mom: The [place they're renting] sleeps six. Natasha and Misha will be there.
A.: Oh-- I chatted with Nina [N&M's daughter, who lives in Prague] this morning.
Mom: This has nothing to do with Nina.
A.: I know. I just thought you might like to know that I chatted with her.
Mom: Anyway, I saw that Jetblue was having a sale, so I thought I'd let you know.
A.: Thanks. I doubt I'll be able to make it-- we're going to get really busy by September.

Which is very true. But what I didn't say--in addition to, "I keep forgetting that you get distracted by bits of information that are only indirectly related to the matter at hand, even though I just blogged about that"--was that even if the timing would work out, I don't think I want to subject myself to that.

Yesterday, over lunch, when my colleague shared the story about her friend's mother (see yesterday's "Projecting" post), and I responded in telling her about some of the things my mom's said to me, she said it's good that I manage it and can maintain a relationship with her. Others, she said--and I have friends in this category--sever their ties with verbally abusive parents. I wouldn't want to do that, and I've learned to manage my mom's outbursts. But I've also grown increasingly disinclined to spend a lot of time with her.

I'd come to this before, and then came away from it, for one reason or another. We'd spend time apart and I'd forget how bad it had been--not how bad it could get, but how bad it actually did get--and then things would be fine and I'd actually want to spend time with (both) my parents. This time around, instances of how quickly, and without apparent provocation, mom can turn, abound in my recent memory, and none inspires me to spend a whole week in her company.

I actually make a decision this morning:
nina: I am planning to come to the US around the holidays but we'll have to spend a lot of time in Michigan cause we haven't been there for a while
me: I'm going to spend less time in Boston than I normally do. The house is a good excuse.
me: My mom is not getting any easier to deal with.
nina: Yeah.... I can imagine.

***
Nina and I also talked about other family issues. You probably won't recall my mom's birthday dinner a few years ago, at which her (older) brother's drunken misbehavior was laughed away by their mother. Another friend of mine is going through something similar, i.e. parents' turning a blind eye to, or even justifying, their son's poor judgment (while, at least in Nina's case, giving her a hard time for just about everything). Double standard? What do you think?

We also talked about what's wrong with kids these days.

Nina: And they live in a pretty expensive neighborhood, so it is really hard for the kids to understand why they can't have a new iphone or ipod every 6 months x 3 kids, and [their mother] doesn't say no to them
me: well she should. that would be a good experience actually.
nina: she buys them shit and tells them not to tell their dad
me: we never got everything we wanted as kids, and turned out okay
nina: I know! If anything we turned out better than those rich Brookline and Newton twats around us :)

I don't know about that, but I think it's a teachable moment in personal finance: keeping up with the Joneses can destroy your finances. You don't have to do it. Why not teach your kids that?