Friday morning walk

But first, something I omitted last night. This was part of the pre-afternoon snack conversation.

Mom: But you'll eat fish.
A.: I prefer not to, but I will.
Mom: Do you want some herring.
A.: No.
Mom: Why not?
Dad: A.'s always loved herring. Don't you know it's her favorite food.
Mom: But you said you eat fish.
A.: That doesn't mean I'll eat herring.
Mom: This is exceptionally good herring.
A.: There is no herring, as far as I'm concerned, that is so good as to make it minimally palatable.
Mom: Just try it.
A.: No.

***
Thirty seconds ago

Mom: You should have put raisins in your oatmeal.
A.: I did.
Mom: What, my dear, is your problem with raisins?
A.: I have no problem with raisins.
Mom: Oh, the things we have and you don't! Christmas Tree Shops we have, and you don't. Ocean State Job Lot we have, and you don't. What else?

***
Earlier this morning, we finally made it out of the house for a walk. I'd played around with the dumbbells while I waited for mom, so I was feeling a little tired and I wasn't sure whether I'd run or walk. Our usual drill is, I run and catch up with mom, who walks. She's walking a bit slowly after her knee replacement, and I sort of felt like I should stay close. But I decided that I felt like running and I felt like a little bit of peace and quiet before I rejoined mom. I had a feeling her regularly scheduled rant would air, and it did a few minutes after I caught up with her.

Mom: These [Old Russian lady] welfare queens! Elderly people who've lived here their whole lives, worked here, don't get those stipends or housing allowances.
A.: Mom, you rant about this every time.
Mom: Because walking by their apartments reminds me of it and makes me furious. It's so unfair. Their children could support them, but they live off the government.
A.: Understood, but could you just let it go and enjoy the greenery?
Mom: How does it not infuriate you? You go to the theater, you have to consider the price of the ticket. They get discounts and they use their stipends for that.
A.: Well, I'm glad theaters have a demographic to count on, honestly. Second, I don't entirely know what's going on with these people and their stipends. And ultimately, I get such a comprehensive view of government waste and abuse that individual examples aren't going to rile me up. There are all sorts of groups that get handouts--usually whoever has the best lobbyists. I know it's unfair to elderly people who don't get stipends, and I'm not making light of that. But all I can really do on a macro level is shrug it off as another inefficient use of government funds--one that's a drop in the bucket to the agricultural subsidies that your buddies on Fox News were defending last night.

I shit you not. Fox was interviewing farmers saying, "what happened to patriotism? What happened to supporting the heartland?" But I digress.

A.: So I'm not disagreeing with you, but I'm asking you to let it go and enjoy the fresh air.
Mom: Don't you lecture me!
A.: I'm not. I'm asking you to at least let me enjoy the fresh air if you won't.

Later

Mom: It's so beautiful here.
A.: It really is.
Mom: There used to be more turtles but I think some of the chemicals got to them. I agree that pesticides are awful. I think they should be banned, not just for our own health but because they get into the water.
A.: That they do. Let's stop at Trader Joe's on the way home and get some organic apples. You can really taste the difference.
Mom: Okay. Your dad might complain--you know how he is about apples.
A.: Okay, I love dad. I appreciate dad more and more as I get older, but I also appreciate how irritating his stubborn side is.
Mom: I hear you. I also find that I love him more and more with time and appreciate what an amazing, purely kind person he is. But the intransigence is trying.
A.: It's like, why not try something different. Try it once and see whether it works.
Mom: No: he picked up a habit and childhood and that's the only way to go.

A.: Did you go to Michael's on his birthday?
Mom: No. First of all he was in Russia; second, I'm not talking to him.
A.: Why not?
Mom: I asked him to stop by Irina's when he was going to be in St. Petersburg to pick up some stuff for me--including an herbal medication for my eye--and he got huffy and said no, said he didn't have time. So I hung up on him. So then I started self-medicating my eye--you know how?
A.: No. Wait, yes--with pee?
Mom: Yes--with pee. And it worked wonders. My doctor was really impressed with the improvement. Of course, I didn't tell him about the pee, told him I'd used tea. He said to keep doing whatever worked. But Michael--you know how busy we are whenever we go over there, but we always have time to meet people and give them stuff from other people. I just couldn't believe his attitude.

I'm of two minds on this: on one hand, mom has a point. It's kind of encoded in Russian immigrant DNA that when you go back, you take your friends' crap to give to their friends, and bring stuff back. On the other hand, I know I've gotten snippy with my mom on more than one occasion because of the way she asks for favors. It reminds me of when I was little or not even that little, but still living with her. She's be reading the paper and making a mess of it--throwing sections on the floor. And then she'd decide there was a mess on the floor and say, "A.! Pick up the newspapers," and she meant that minute, even if I were in the middle of something else. And I'd say I'd get them when I got a chance but maybe in the meantime put them in a neat pile. You get the point. I still get snippy when mom asks me to do stuff sometimes, and usually not because of the thing itself, but because she calls at the worse possible time and then takes on a demanding tone. So I don't really know what to think of this spat, which is fine, because no one asked me.

***
We went to Trader Joe's, got some organic apples. I was looking at organic sweet potatoes.

Mom: You know, I've lived my whole life buying whatever's cheaper and I've always been fine.
A.: Mom, you just told me it's not just about our health; it's about the streams and the runoff.
Mom: Huh?
A.: It's about the environment.
Mom: Yeah, I guess it is. Let's see what they're sampling. Oooh! Are you gonna have some?
A.: No.
Mom: Why not?
A.: Because tzatzike is a dairy product.
Mom: Why don't you eat dairy? You should just eat everything.

Mom tries the tzatzike.

Mom: Mmmm, this sauce is good.
A.: Do we need anything else? Can we get going?
Mom: I'm going to look at the chocolate.
A.: You have a house full of chocolate. You have at least two five-pound bars of Trader Joe's chocolate. Why not finish that and buy the chocolate when it's fresh.
Mom: It'll be more expensive. Don't tell me what to do!

I get in line. Mom looks at the chocolate. She brings over two blocks.

A.: Milk chocolate? Why are you buying milk chocolate?
Mom: Is that milk chocolate? I didn't notice.
A.: Do you even look at what you buy? Who's going to eat that? Dad won't touch it.
Mom: I guess I will.
A.: Or you can put it back.
Mom: It'll get eaten.

***
I just got called over to participate in a Skype video call with the old country. Mom's friend raved about how good I look.

Olga: Her skin is amazing!
Mom: Her skin's gotten better since this veggie nonsense, I'll give you that.
Olga: What?
Mom: She's not even a vegetarian anymore; she's worse: she's veggie.
A.: Vegan.
Olga: What?
Mom: No animal products. Can you believe that nonsense?
Olga: Well, her skin looks great.
Mom: Her skin does look great. But she's not going to convert us. We resist.
Dad: Our skin doesn't leave room for improvement.
Mom: We're not going to go veggie.
A.: Vegan.
Mom: Whatever.