Boundaries

Another area of conflicting world views that causes friction in my relationships with my mother and my roommate is boundaries. My mother and I have openly clashed over boundaries, as she openly flaunts them. In her view, my living in her house meant she didn't have to knock--she balked at the very idea. When I balked at other invasions of my privacy--her opening my mail, including medical test results, she invoked the fact that she paid my undergraduate tuition and therefore had no right to privacy to speak of.

With roommate, the confrontations have not been open, but I am happy to go there should we discuss the post-it incident. Of course he didn't understand that my not accepting the earrings was an issue of boundaries-- he came up with other convoluted theories about why I wouldn't take them; Other incidents: the knocking on my door to make sure I hadn't overslept--clear violation of boundaries, no-brainer; the constant pushing and trying harder, when I'd asked him to back off.

And as someone who doesn't appreciate boundaries, he took as personal rejections my attempts to establish them. He moped, sometimes cried. He took other things much too personally--to the point where I stopped reminding him to clean the crumb tray, because I didn't want to deal with the emotional fallout. He'd take it as a personal failure and try even harder to overcompensate, and I just didn't want to deal with it.

But as always when you take the easy way out--figure it's easier not to deal with it--it gets worse: the root of the problem festers to the point where it's better to openly address it.

Like I said, I'll let you know how it goes.