Other things said and not said this morning

This morning is a bit of a blur, but there's at least one thing I did say back to mom that I'd left out of the earlier transcript (she was standing right there so I was just trying to keep up with what she was saying) and one thing I should have said.

Did say:

Mom: You and your self-imposed rules. Look at Nina: she lives spontaneously.
A.: What are my self-imposed rules?
Mom: What to eat, how to spend your time.
A.: Um, did you know that Nina also tends not to eat animal products?
Mom: That's not the point! The point is, you live by these rules you've laid down for yourself.

Could have said:

Mom: You're cold. You are not capable of human emotion, of love. You can't love people. Maybe you love your cat.
A.: Actually, I hate my cat.

Had we had more time, I would have pressed about these "self-imposed rules." She would have pressed more about my breakup. I should have realized sooner that she was throwing out insults so that I would contradict her by providing information, but even then I wouldn't have provided information. Not because it's incriminating, but because I'm done talking about it and I don't reward emotional blackmail.

Now that I'm far away, everything about this morning strikes me as absurd: my alleged "rules," mom's bitterness about my refusal to share my frequent flier miles (she didn't want them for anything specific!). Now that I think about the "rules" thing, it reminds me of when RM insisted that I had an eating plan. He couldn't understand that when you make your own food, you have to figure it out ahead of time. Oh, RM also expressed concern about my loneliness, and reacted to my boundaries by labeling me cold and unfeeling. They're either right, or manipulative. You decide.

As for the miles, I do remember that conversation, and as I'd clarified earlier, it wasn't like mom said, "I am going on a trip, would you mind sharing your miles." It was very much mom saying, almost matter-of-factly, "did you know that you can also give us your miles," and I absolutely did say something like, "but I'm planning on using them." Was that wrong? She hasn't forgotten it. It will stand as evidence of my boundless selfishness.

I also noticed this morning that I had a few interactions with dad that, had it been mom, would have led to screaming fights. Dad and I managed to deescalate them, between the two of us, partly because neither of us cared to escalate them. But I was certainly as much "in the wrong" with regard to my tone, etc. Example:

Dad: Take a bunch of these bananas.
A.: On the plane??
Dad: You don't like bananas?
A.: I don't like to travel with bananas, particularly with overly ripe ones. These would probably burst in my bag, and even if they don't, they'll still smell.
Dad: We have all these bananas...
A.: Why on earth did you let mom buy the second bunch of already-overripe bananas when we'd already bought a bunch the day before??

I'm sure I sounded annoyed when I said that. I thought to myself, "I really could have said all that more neutrally." So I literally toned it down and dad let it go. As people do. He was just being nice (and impractical), both of which are very 'dad.' I was just being practical and argumentative, which I suppose is me. I can work on that (the argumentative part).