Monday evening roundup and ramble

You have a right to know what's in your food. Period.

I disagree with the "you should have known" argument concerning the topless DOC pictures. The writer's analogies do not hold; a locker room where there are cameras is not private property. Even celebrities, for there sanity, have to have an expectation of privacy. The bigger issue here is why any of this matters (and this is not to slam the DOC, whose privacy was indeed invaded). Why the hell do we care what anyone's breasts look like?

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While we're on the topic of body issues, I sent an e-mail today that might put me into the 'horrible person' category. Jay sent me a (political) video of hot, swim-trunk-clad, gay men, and my reaction was, "damn, if only straight men had half the body obsession that gay men have." I don't actually wish body obsession on anyone, gay or straight, male or female. You can access my views on body image elsewhere on these pages, should you care. Those views aside, however, I can't help but think, "now, if only the men I dated were remotely that hot..." I'm sorry, (straight) guys, but you've gotta up your game. Yes, I'd be offended if a guy said the same thing to/about women, and for some reason, I can find women of all shapes and sizes beautiful (perhaps because I don't appraise them for relationship potential). So it's a double-standard. But it's in contrast to the society-wide double-standard that holds women to a higher standard of fitness. Look, I'm not proud of this, and I'm sure I could get over it if the "right" guy came along (just like I got over my aversion to facial hair, albeit temporarily, with my last bf), but we can't really help whom we're attracted to. Help me be attracted to you by getting your @$$ to the gym. I'm not asking you to look like the guys in the video; in fact, if you did, I'd roll my eyes and deem you too obsessed. I'm just asking for a little effort.

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Can we talk a bit about the guys I've been going on dates with? Call it irony or tragicomedy, but God has sent me exactly what I've asked for... only (apologies to Dar Williams) in ridiculous packaging. And, in spite of the paragraph above, I don't (just or even primarily) mean physical packaging. After my most recent breakup, I did a thorough audit of what worked and what didn't, both on my part and on his. I considered what I would like to do better next time around, as well as what I now knew I was looking for (and running away from). For example, I knew I was (am) looking for interested in travel and adventure; somewhat spiritual and interested in self-improvement. Among the things that I hadn't previously realized were important to me, but turned out to be so--and this is something that actually did characterize my most recent ex (F.)--was a good relationship with cats. I expressed this to a friend of mine (with two cats), who said, "careful about articulating that... or if you do, watch the men run away in droves." But then, lo and behold, there's a guy interested in me who unabashedly loves cats.

I'm not trying to make this about cats; it's about "ask and you shall receive." I've asked, and I've received, in addition to guys who like cats, guys who love to travel and/or hike; guys who are ten times more spiritual than I am (i.e., maybe too spiritual); guys with a huge sense of social responsibility; guys who are vegetarians (I didn't even ask for that one!); etc. And it's not even that all this good stuff hasn't come in a single package; it's usually that when it has, there was something extraordinarily odd about these guys. But even when there's not, there's the "too much" issue, and/or the balance thing.

I don't want to date someone who's just like me; I want to date someone who balances me out. And for a while, I thought F. was that person. For example, I was glad to date someone who didn't hate driving, since I did. In that vein, I probably should not date someone who is more of a conserver, or more of a hippie than I am. A couple of years ago, I went out with a guy who told me on the first or second date that he was too cheap to turn on the heat (this in the context of baking bread in the winter, but not in the summer). That was not the immediate turn-off for me that it would have been for most women; I understand that impulse, which is why I don't need it in a partner. I tend toward conserving things--more for environmental reasons than financial ones--and I realize that it would be better for me to be with someone who balances me in the other direction.

So I've asked, and I'm receiving. I can't say I'm not. Bring on the cat-lovers, the adventurers, the travelers, the meditators, the vegetarians/vegans, and those who would balance me out. Just please put it all in one package and throw in some chemistry.