You're not going to get any thinner that way

I went online to see whether my mortgage payment went through. I've been trying to figure this out for days--Suntrust is pulling all sorts of shenanigans; there's always some reason that I can't fully access my account, this one being that they're doing some sort of end-of-year processing. Except that it's now the beginning of the year. Anyway, I went to check my account.

Mom, to dad: She's been on the computer all day. All day. [To me]: Of course you're not going to get any thinner that way.

Earlier, at dinner

Mom: Would you like some soup?
A.: No, thank you.
Mom: It's very good for weight loss.

Mom's constant unfounded nutritional preaching is particularly ironic because she doesn't read nutritional labels.

This morning. For some reason, mom takes out the cocktail sauce.

A.: Mom, this has 15g of sugar. The first ingredient is high-fructose corn syrup.
Mom: So?
A.: So, it's sugar you don't need.
Mom: Well, maybe it's essential to the flavor. Besides, sugar is good for the brain.
A.: No, it really isn't. Actually, a new study just came out about that, but it's hardly the first.
Mom: I don't believe it.
A.: [Shrug]