When the New Yorker gives you nightmares

Sadly, "Kosher Takeout" by Patricia Marx, in last week's New Yorker, is only available online to subscribers. The first excerpt I will share is amusing:

Did I say Mr. Drain Opener? Yes, I did. The O.U. does not officially frown upon a Jewish housewife unclogging her sink with a product called, say, Senor Pig Knuckles or Mrs. Shrimp. Nevertheless, certain keepers of kosher kitchens, when cleaning a surface that might touch food, prefer to use something guaranteed to be pareve.

The next is just f*in' scary:

"The Chinese think we are the smartest people in the world, after the Chinese," he said. "They say, 'Very clever, very good at business.' It's an honor to be Jewish in China. They say they would like to imitate the Jews." Among the best-selling books in China this year were "The Jewish People's Bible for Business and Managing the World" and "The Jewish Way of Raising Children."

1. Holy shit, we do run the world!
2. Stop and process the implications of that last one. I hope you are sitting down. There are a lot of people in China, and many of them are seeking to emulate the Jewish Way of Raising Children. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!