Thursday, January 1, 2009

This Thursday in Mom statements

It's official: Mom is obsessed with Jay's boyfriends (or lack thereof).

Mom: How do Heath and Jay know each other?
A.: They know each other through Jay's former...
Mom: Boyfriend?
A.: No. Many years ago, Heather was visiting Boston and staying with Jay's...
Mom: Boyfriend?
A.: No, roommate.
Mom: Oh.

***
Mom: It's interesting that you have a belly. I didn't start gaining weight until I turned 50.
A.: [Shrug]

***
Less than an hour later

A.: I found a roommate.
Mom: Really? Who... [looking down toward my stomach and shaking her head]
A.: What? Does my stomach amaze you?
Mom: Well, yes. Around Thanksgiving, you were thin.

That didn't stop her from telling me then that I'd gained weight.

Here's what I don't understand: why doesn't everyone else--or anyone else for that matter--lose their train of thought at the sight of my gut? I just spent almost twenty-four hours with my friends. At no point did my stomach distract them. Now I didn't ask this question aloud; I didn't need to--mom would have replied that they were just being polite. But really-- I generally do not have the experience, outside this house, that my stomach stops traffic. Really.

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