Intervention, now!

Okay, forget the folks at Davos; I have apparently lost my mind. I just caught myself tearing up while looking at pictures that my friend just sent of her newborn baby. I should have known something was up when I found myself tearing up at (some) weddings, and now this. What is happening to me?

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Let me tell you what does not fill me with warm fuzzies: my cat. I mean, good thing she's cute, because that thing is such a little rat. Here is my open letter to Gracie:

Okay, look, you little bi^&h: I am not kitty mommy in chief; I have a day job, and I can't pay attention to you every second of the day, so STOP WHINING. It's getting you nowhere. And just when I think you've redeemed yourself, you go and annoy me. Take yesterday: since you graciously allowed me to sleep in until 7am, I fed you first thing in the morning. Now, was it not the least you could do, then, to let me enjoy my breakfast without having to listen to your incessant, annoying whining? Besides-- what the f* do you have to whine about?? You sleep all f*ing day. Mommy, on the other hand, works. A lot. And then she has to come home and keep covered her nice, matching papasan cushion with an old, ugly one, so that the nice one doesn't come to resemble you in color and texture; she keeps her nice table runner packed away, because she can't trust you to stay off the table; and she lives with the fact that much of her furniture is going to get covered irreparably with cat hair no matter what. She also feeds you, scoops your poop (and occasionally cleans it off the carpets, when you feel you do not get enough attention) and takes you to the vet, but she signed on to all that. She did NOT sign on to hearing you bitch all day long, so shut the f* up!