Responses to comment and ramble

I think the 'whoever invites, pays' system is a good, logical one. I always feel awkward, like I did over the past week, initiating events where people will inevitably end up buying me drinks. This was my post-birthday/post-parental-visit pick me up gathering, which a friend suggested after she asked what I was doing for my birthday and I said I'd probably be listening to how fat and overbearing I am. Actually, my birthday was fine, apart from the lamp obsession, although my mother did wait--I'd talked to her that morning several times before they left--until dinner, when my father reminded her, to wish me a happy birthday. Which would be less than newsworthy, had she not, first thing Saturday morning, demanded when I was going to wish her a happy Mother's Day. (I replied, 'tomorrow. on Mother's Day.') But I digress.

So, yes, Eastern Europeans do their own birthdays. I usually do--i.e. invite people over, cook, etc. I didn't have time to do that this year, so drinks out it was, and I have to say that it was great to be able to catch up with my friends without having to do any work. My mother kept asking me this get-together as if it were the strangest thing; her questioning matched the tone of her questions about the future metro stop at Potomac Yard, i.e., these were not questions that needed to be asked; they were questions to which one might arrive at the answer with a few seconds of deductive reasoning. E.g., Why? Why would you celebrate your birthday after your birthday? (Answer: to get together with my friends). I dwell on this because this is one of those circumstances under which I end up inevitably snapping at mom: I snap when she interrupts mid-sentence, and I snap when she asks a question or series of questions to which she could deduce the answers with straightforward logic. Who would metro to Potomac Yard? People who shop there. Especially those who don't have cars. For my mother, it may be an extrovert thing that she'd rather just think out loud.

Back to the original issue, though: I think when feasible, Miss Manners' advice holds. That's why the first letter still riles many: people need to stop thinking of hosting as a fundraising opportunity, even for an expensive event like a wedding. If you can't afford a wedding, have a smaller wedding. Don't try to extort from your guests.