Response to comment

You know I'm going to have an (informed) opinion about this. I mean, I have a blog at least nominally about the variety of ways, and striking frequency, with which my mother tells me I'm fat.

Like Ernessa's relatives, my mom believes in telling it like it is. Incidentally, Miss Manners is not a fan of that concept, much less the blanket application thereof. She believes some things are best left unsaid.

I have no idea why anyone would say something like that to a small child. To my mother's credit, she waited until I was an adult to start harassing me about my weight. I grew up not hating my body, which is apparently anomalous among women in this country. Did you see the Tina Fey interview I posted last week? She talks about how she doesn't obsess about weight because she doesn't want her daughter to do so. I wouldn't want my daughter to go through that. My mother, unfortunately, is of a different disposition.

And it's counterproductive: none of her relentless "observations" helped me slim down--if I lost a hundredth of a pound every time mom told me I'd put on weight, I might be able to fit into my favorite jeans by now (Banana Republic, 00 Petite--and I needed a belt to keep them on!) If anything, it was the opposite. Mom's antics are actually so counterproductive that they're ironic, in that the exact opposite behavior would be helpful. Instead of constantly pointing out, in increasingly unflattering ways, that I've put on weight, while, at the same time, encouraging unhealthy eating habits--eat more, have ten pounds of cheese, etc.--she might not say anything about my weight, nor hassle me when I exercise portion control. But I digress.

At 32, going on 33, I'm annoyed but hardly impressionable. I *still* don't hate my body (although I'd like my clothes to fit the way they once did). How f*ed up do you have to be to tell a one-year-old that her stomach is disgusting? First of all, don't think she can't understand you.

Full disclosure: I've said to Gracie, "look at this belly!" I've asked her why she's so fat. I also regularly threaten to beat her (she knows I'm kidding) if she doesn't shut up. But she really can't understand me, otherwise, you'd think, she'd shut up.

All asides aside, there's nothing funny about instilling body image issues in small children. If you don't have anything helpful to say, shut the f* up.