This is why I should watch TV

Mom: What about the cat?
A.: Cats are supposed to be carnivores; we don't really have a choice on that one.
Mom: What does she like?
A.: I get her seafood for food, and her toothpaste is poultry-flavored. There's no actual poultry in it, though.
Dad: Like that turtle soup you wouldn't have!
A.: Turtle... tortilla!
Dad: What's "tortilla?"

I explain tortillas.

Dad: The point is, there's no chicken in that, either.
A.: Chicken broth is the first ingredient.
Dad: So? We tried it; it tastes like bathwater. I doubt there's real chicken in there.
A.: If it tastes like bath water, why were you trying to get me to try it?
Dad: [Shrug.]
Mom: Who cares if there's chicken?
A.: I do.
Mom: This is what it's come to.
A.: Weren't you looking at good-looking, live chickens today?  Why would you eat those?
Dad: That's their purpose in life.
Mom: Who's going to raise them if not to eat? When did you fill your head with these ideas?
A.: Over twenty years ago.
Mom: Did you know that your president is conspiring to be president for life?
A.: This has what to do with chicken broth?
Mom: He's letting in hordes of illegal immigrants so that they'll vote for him, forever. They reported it late at night.
A.: Vote for him for what? He's not running for anything again.
Mom: He'll change the rules. He's fixing it so that he'll be president for life. I can't believe you haven't heard about this. This is what happens when you don't watch TV.
A.: Are you serious?
Mom: Watch the news!
A.: No, thank you.
Mom: He has it all figured out. But if he does it, they'll impeach him. That's why we have to have the TV on all the time: I want to know when he'll be impeached.
A.: You're serious.
Mom: He has it all planned out.