RM update

RM was just muttering under his breath and slamming (cabinet) doors. He behaves this way sometimes when he feels ignored or otherwise wronged. Perhaps it is the box of chocolates still sitting, untouched, on the dining room table; perhaps it is the fact that I've shown no interest in conversation. Of course, my right to this lack of interest has been discussed, but he's shown himself to be an in-one-ear-out-the-other kind of guy.

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I met an out-of-town friend for coffee this afternoon; she asked for an RM update. I told some stories, threw in some old ones for good measure. She said, "wow, he really doesn't read signals. Or--not even signals--you've explicitly told him that you're not interested in friendship." I told her that the unbelievable thing is that the dude's getting an advanced degree in leadership. She said, authoritatively, "those are the worst." And it's kind of true. It's like how guys go out of their way to proclaim that they're feminists have serious underlying disrespect for women (so many examples--a friend and I were recently discussing this). A degree in leadership, and he doesn't know how to listen? And he doesn't know how to address issues? He slams doors around like a small child. Not only that, but he'll bring up serious things at the worst possible time--like when I've just biked ten miles and there's a forkful of food half an inch from my mouth. That's glib, but you don't want to engage someone when their focus and priorities are obviously elsewhere. Actually, this is another thing that I've seen among people who should know better-- I know that when I took a leadership skills class, one of the key points was, "make it safe." Make sure it's a good time for the person to talk. Don't blindside them.

I'd also told my friend that I'd made peace with RM, ironically, by embracing is in-one-ear-out-the-other nature. See, I owed it to him to communicate my concerns, issues, etc. I don't owe it to him to make him listen or to keep repeating things. I've done my part here, and I no longer feel responsible for getting through to him. As I've told you, it's easier at this point to shrug and move on. It's liberating, in a way. And while it's been the right answer for a while--once it became clear that he was beyond help, trying to talk to him became a clear waste of time--it's more palatable now that he's moving out in two months (well, two months and a week or so, but I'll be away for at least a week, so I'm counting it as two months). He can slam all the cabinet doors he wants, make all the disapproving sounds he wants. He always could, but now I care even less.