Response

(1) I like the designation 'aggressive talker,' and I've come to agree with the assessment that that's never going to change. He is never going to stop trying to talk to me. The situation is salvageable because (a) he's away, on average, every other weekend, and often working on papers and stuff when he is around, and (b) I'm managing it with headphones and by straight-out saying that I don't want to talk. The next level of escalation will be to go to my office, which is actually quite pleasant.

(2) I've thought a lot about whether there will be a next roommate when this guy's lease runs out in November. I'm not sure I *need* to live alone-- I've lived with a lot of roommates over the years, and none of them wanted to talk this much, including those that were already friends when we moved in together. At the same time, I'm not going to put myself through this process again. The irony here is that RM is a GREAT roommate apart from the talking: he and I have similar schedules, so I don't wake him up when my alarm goes off at 5am; he helps out around the house, doesn't generally make a mess, etc. The talking is almost a small price to pay. Odd as it sounds, I'm not sure I can do as well next time around. I think what I'll do is keep the option open--because it is really nice getting those checks at the beginning of the month--but not advertise as widely. Maybe just word of mouth, the Smith listserv, etc., rather than the world at large. 'Afford' is a funny word-- I'm not going to default on my mortgage if I don't get another roommate... but nor will I have enough spending money. So it's less a question of 'afford' and more an issue of 'is it worth putting up with a roommate to be able to continue the tradition of fabulous vacations every year.'

(3) I kind of admire the courage of the guy who called to ask me out, I guess. I'll give him that. I'll point out, however, that he was also a talker, even during the "interview," and as evident, I don't do well with those.

(4) In response to your post: yes--they are the same variety, i.e. those who talk to you in your office or in airplanes, etc. The issue is that you're clearly trying to do something else, you're obviously not interested in conversation at the moment, and they clearly don't notice or don't care. I also talk a lot (mom points this out to me all the time), but I am not an aggressive talker. I pause and let people escape if that's what they choose to do. It really is the lack of self-awareness that categorizes the aggressive talker. I, myself, don't see communication or conversation as a competitive game in which the goal is to bludgeon the colocuteur into submission. To me, communication implies interaction and actual listening.

That's why it's so odd to me that RM's feelings were hurt the other night when I cut him off (post-, not mid-sentence) and put my headphones on (it had come to that): it's like, why do you care, because you clearly don't? If you're going to take it personally, you need to be more mindful of what the other person wants in the first place.