Too much to ask

Almost a year ago, I was asking--rhetorically--whether it was too much for mom to be supportive. It was a no-brainer: I'd been offered the job I had wanted for years, at an organization whose mission even she could respect. Instead, her reaction ranged from disrespect-driven delusion (what had I done at my existing job to force myself out) to complete lack of interest and perspective (after all, her complaint-letter assault on Verizon was more important). I am now coming to suspect--even though I truly hate to think this about my mother--that competition is behind her lack of support. It's not exactly competition; it's resentment that she has been shut out of the process and the decision, and it's discomfort in admitting to herself, much less to anyone else, that I can make decisions in my life without her micromanagement.

This is becoming increasingly obvious every time we talk about the house.

Mom: So, everything's set?
A.: What do you mean?
Mom: You got a loan?
A.: Yeah, that's all set. The appraisal came back--it was [$75,000 over what I'm paying].
Mom, derisively: That's bullshit.
A.: Thank you.
Mom: Everything is going downhill right now.

I didn't tell her that in this area, things are coming back up. Well, actually I tried to tell her yesterday, and that was for a less popular area. I'm quite happy to ignore her.

I'm not sure what I expected of her, but I do wish she'd give me some credit. I'm not an idiot; if I were, I would have bought years ago, when everyone and his grandmother were screaming, "buy!" Nor am I blindly optimistic; I know that there's risk (of course there is!); this could be the worst financial decision I ever make, and while I doubt that is the case, there are opportunity costs anyway. I know what's right for me at this stage of my life and I have a decent understanding of this area's real estate market. I'm in no position to try to time the bottom of the market, but at least I know that. I'm excited about this house and I think it will be a good investment. Mom's unflinching confidence in her understanding of just about everything--in this case the local real estate market, which she understands better than the appraiser and the inspector do--is nothing new. It would be nice if she stopped trying to scare me or convince me that I've made a mistake-- I mean, this is nerve-racking enough as it is-- but I know that that's too much to ask. Mom has always been emotionally selfish and it's inconceivable that she would put my needs, to feel good about my decision, for example, ahead of her own. I would like for her to give me some credit, but that's also too much to ask and I'm not sure why I thought for a minute that it was a possibility. She won't like the house when she sees it-- it is attached, it's near the projects, and its bedrooms are small. However, she's not the one that's going to live there, she's not paying for any of it, and it would behoove her to come to terms with the fact that I am capable of making big decisions in my life without her approval.