Are you f*ing KIDDING ME?

Let it be known that I did not plan to bitch to you about how tired I am and how I got this way. But now that mom aggravated my state of exhaustion, I have to provide context.

I've pretty much wanted to crawl back into bed since my alarm went off at 5AM. I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating back pain and couldn't go back to sleep for several hours. Then, I was about to leave for work when I discovered that Gracie did some magic on the floor (anyone want a cat? I've had it with her). Then, I biked to work (10 miles), because I felt like it, but it was super-windy, which made for an especially exhausting ride. Then I worked, got home, and sat down to wind down and watch the Daily Show, when mom called.

Mom: Why is your voice like that?
A.: I'm tired.
Mom: Why are you tired?
A.: I just am. [Details would have invited a lecture].
Mom: You know, I talked to Tanya. She talked more about [her daughter's] wedding, and started telling me about how they met. Have you heard of J-Date?
A.: Yeah.
Mom: Well, they met on J-Date. And you know, he's just wonderful. And Tanya was saying that she knows a number of women who met wonderful men on J-Date-- and not just in Boston, in Chicago, all over. And she wanted me to tell you. She said when it's the right person, it's always the right time...

She went on for a few more minutes. I didn't tell her that I a) had no interest in internet dating, I've tried it before, at other people's urging, and it's been nothing but a waste of time; b) no, smartasses, I'm not going to try it just to appease my mother. If I recall, J-Date is expensive, and in nine days, I won't have a penny to spare.

Mom:...Tanya's daughter is really happy. I'm just saying. I'm just the messenger.
A.: Okay, mom.
Mom: Oh, what do you know about HDTV?
A.: Nothing at all.
Mom: Do you not want to talk about it?
A.: I do not know anything about HDTV. I've never looked into it.
Mom: How much do you pay for internet?
A.: $33 together with the phone.
Mom: Your internet is through Verizon?
A.: Yeah.
Mom: And your phone is all cellular?
A.: Technically we have a landline, because we can't get DSL without it.
Mom: How much does the phone line cost?
A.: $33 together with phone.
Mom: That's cheap!
A.: It is.
Mom: Why so cheap?
A.: I don't know.

I'm actually not doing this conversation justice. She asked me the same few questions (cost of phone, cost of internet, etc.) several times. To her credit, she sensed my annoyance.

Mom: Are you in a hurry?
A.: I'm just tired.

And I'm really the wrong person from whom to seek cable/internet advice, especially since I'm in a different region. And I don't want to deal with another year of complaint letters to Verizon.

Mom: Okay, go rest.
A.: Okay, goodnight.
Mom: Goodnight.