A guide to first-world problems

It's because the "first-world problems" meme is so a propos when applied correctly that it's so frustrating when people don't get it. If you check out the hashtag, you'll find a lot of super-lame entries that just miss the point, not even in the offensive way discussed in the link, but in a dull, "why are you even wasting Twitter space with this crap?" way. So let's address the more offensive ones... but before we do, let's talk about what constitutes a decent example of a first-world problem, as acknowledged as such by yours truly and some friends who shall remain anonymous:

I'm going to miss the season finale of Mad Men because I'm being sent to Vienna for work.

I can't keep up with all these beautiful men who keep falling in love with me! (can you figure out that that one's not mine?)

This iPad I won doesn't play well with my Android-based phone. I can't share apps!

I've lost so much weight that it's a pain to find clothes that fit me.

There's too much to do in this city--so much art and culture to take in, and most of it's free or at least affordable; I can't keep up.

Do you see what first-world problems are not? They're not anything that is a step above what would be a problem in the poorest parts of the developing world. It's not like nothing in the developed world is a problem because in the rest of the world many people lack access to clean water and don't know where their next meal is coming from. Just because I have a roof over my head, doesn't mean I have no right to be upset about, say, problems at work. Hell, just because I'm employed, doesn't mean I have no right to be upset about problems at work. [I'm making this up to make a point; I'm not having problems at work.] As Kate Fridkis points out, "first-world problems!" should not be an all-purpose gag against first-world women.

Here's a related issue close to my heart: the argument that plant-based eating by choice is a first-world privilege. Well, of course it is, but that's immaterial. The subtext--that it's haughty to be a vegetarian when you know there are people starving in developing countries--is horseshit. My master's degree is essentially in people-starving-in-developing-countries, and yet, I somehow find it in myself to be a vegan. How does that work? Well, maybe you could explain to me how eating animal products--particularly those produced by industrial agriculture--does anything for starving people in developing countries? How it increases food security? Having trouble coming up with data to back up the concept? Then shut the f* up. (The vast majority of you never pushed that concept, so please disregard that instruction.)