Phone call

I'd been thinking about how it might be time to get over myself and visit my parents, as much as the very thought fills me with anxiety, even if I observed the self-established 48-hour limit. So, the other night, I looked at tickets and called my parents to ask whether a certain weekend would work. I also thought about inviting them here (not that that fills me with any less anxiety, but it is a thought, since dad is actually retiring, so weekdays would be open). But when I called, I got recordings saying their line had been disconnected. A day later, I reached them via Skype, at which point my mom launched herself on a rabid, hate-filled rant about how this--the disconnected phone--was the fault of unions and this is what Obama has done to America. Which reminded me how much what a toxic environment my mom created, even when it wasn't directly based on insulting me. That doesn't mean I shouldn't spend time with my parents; just that doing it will be very frustrating and dispiriting.

I had a horrible, selfish thought, as I thought about how dad was sacrificing his sanity--by not taking on more work to stay with mom--about how, well, he chose her. He had to know what he was getting into. Even he can't stand her rabid rants, even though he pretty much agrees with her on substance (well, not to the point of the president's personally keeping her phone disconnected). Regardless of whether I chose her, she is my mother, and I owe her something, even at some expense to my sanity. The issue is, what's the right balance?