Thursday, March 10, 2011

Why do I ever call mom before bed?

Mom: What's new?
A.: Well, I think I have a roommate.
Mom: I felt so bad for that other guy, when you told him off. He was so lively and spirited.
A.: I didn't feel bad for him. He brought it on himself by not listening.
Mom: This guy is different?
A.: Well, I established expectations up-front. And it's a month-to-month lease. And he's really hardly going to be here.
Mom: If you need money...
A.: I don't need money. I mean, I need spending money, but I'd rather get it by renting.
Mom: Spending money for what?
A.: Solar panels, among other things.
Mom: You don't need solar panels: you have a gas stove, gas dryer, and gas water heater. What do you even power with electricity?
A.: The AC, in the summer... the fridge.
Mom: You don't need solar panels.
A.: [Shrug]
Mom: How much do they cost?
A.: I'm trying to figure that out.
Mom: I know there's a federal tax credit.
A.: Yeah, it's 30 percent.
Mom: What did I read? Oh, yeah... [mom goes on for five minutes on what she's heard recently about duplication and waste in government; the rant gets progressively doomsdayish].
Mom: I heard there's flooding where you are.
A.: There was a lot of heavy rain on Sunday and again today.
Mom: God is sending us a message. The earth is over-populated and is punishing us. [Pause] You don't believe in this, but I believe in it. I know what's going on. Anyway, I think it's getting to be your bedtime.
A.: It is. Goodnight.

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