Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays I actually like (Halloween is another; the rest don't come close). Speaking of holidays I don't care for, what the f* is up with not even waiting until after TG to start running xmas music on the radio? And they say my people control the media!

Anyway, TG is also one of those holidays I enjoy spending with my family, and overall, it was a lot of fun. Close friends came over, we had an enjoyable meal. Of course, it is my family, so the evening had its moments, starting before dinner, when mom went to put some seafood salad from the Russian food store out on the table.

A.: Why don't we put that in a dish?
Mom: Please! And have more dishes to wash?
A.: It will look so much better.
Mom: Hah! Please. These are close family friends.
A.: Even if it were just the three of us, I would take that out of its container. I mean, it's a holiday.

Mom kept going on as if using a dish were no more than showing off.

Mom: Our friends! There's just no point.
Dad: Really. Let's just put it in a dish.
Mom: Fine. Fine.

***
I often get the impression that mom has little patience for any conversation that isn't about her. Sometimes she actively changes the subject; sometimes she tries to make it about her--for example, if we're having a conversation about, say, underwater basket weaving, she'll feel the need to say, 'I once tried that,' or something. Tonight, she just didn't bother acknowledging that the conversation was happening.

A.: How are the grandchildren?
Natasha: They're great. Maria's birthday was just the other day...
Mom: Mmmmmm! This duck is really good.

***
The first time Mom spoke with her mouth full, I let it go. The second time I nudged her. She kept doing it. And I kept trying to subtly signal that I'd rather she didn't. Subtlety doesn't work on mom, though, and she makes subtle efforts worse by calling me out on them in front of everyone.

Mom: How dare you tell me what to do! I don't tell you what to do, and clearly, without my guidance you have completely let yourself go!
A.: However, I don't try to talk and chew at the same time.

***
As consumers-- and I mean, even as consumers of basic services-- we are constantly barraged by the upsell (see earlier post). The people trying to sell us stuff know that waring us down is half the battle, that eventually we'll get to the point where we'll buy whatever it is just to be able to get rid of them and move on with our lives. The busier we are, the more we have going on, the more we just want to move on, and as a new homeowner, I'm a pretty juicy target. Yet, I've managed to resist, for the most part... but I find myself caving, especially when it's mom doing the barraging:

Mom: You should really take that bed-- the one that was your bed when you were little. It has that drawer underneath...
A.: I don't need another bed, mom. As it is, I have my bed, two futons and a couch.
Mom: But this one has a drawer, you can use it for storage.
A.: I don't have room for it.

And then I catch myself. Why do I have to justify not wanting to fill my house with more stuff? It's not just the bed; several times a day, mom tries to foist stuff on me, and once I realize that I've been put on the defensive, i.e. in the position of having to justify not taking whatever it is, I get even warier. But you can't ask mom to stop because she overreacts (being able to take what she regularly dishes out is not her strong suit) and then it just turns into a bigger fight.

***
Recall the posts from Mom's birthday weekend, in which I blogged about how, according to dad, mom still loses no opportunity to talk about how my decision to major in psychology was a horrible career move. This actually doesn't surprise me, given that she still can't let go of the fact that I sucked at gymnastics and martial arts, and that was a decade before college. Anyway, for all her contempt for the field of psychology, she sure loves playing pop psychologist:

Mom: You know, it surprises me that Irina made that decision, because normally people as artistic as she is have very active right brains. With her, that's just not the case.

What followed was almost as amusing-- mom went on about how Irina should have persued her passions rather than worry about practical things like making money. Which is exactly the opposite of the career advice she generally sends my way. Still, she hasn't shared any such advice recently, and for that I am thankful.