Monday, April 4, 2011

Response to comment

Ernessa, while you're conscious of minimizing the extent to which your stroller gets in the way, I can assure you that plenty of parents are not. Just like some parents do their best to keep their kids quiet on planes, others do not. I'm in no position to hypothesize on how many of each type of parent, proportionally, are out there. I'm just saying, both are there.

Let me start with the ad hominem aspects of your comment:
--I assure you that no mom rage inspired my post; I actually have no 'mom rage' to speak of. Mom frustration, maybe. Mom wariness, sometimes. But not mom rage. I do have some clueless-stroller-pusher rage. I cede that stroller-pushers have no monopoly on being in the way. It's tourist season in DC, and the clueless are out in droves. They take up entire sidewalks, walking slowly, and standing on the left of escalators. They're also pretty f*ing loud.
--Yes, children who run around knocking people over are more annoying and dangerous than those in a stroller.
--I'm not going to defend the 'don't have kids' argument, because I've never made it. I don't deny the biological urge to have children. I'd like to have children one day. I have a lot of friends who have children, and I often accompany them places, sometimes with strollers. They are conscious of their strollers. And being conscious doesn't mean never imposing on anyone, because no one, including the stroller-less, can do that. It does means not leaving your stroller in the middle of a crowded place, blocking everyone's passage. Nor do I "struggle to comprehend," by virtue of being childless, parents' needs to get things done, just like I don't struggle to comprehend, by virtue of being middle class, poor people's needs to eat. All this to say, I'm not the one who turned this into a parents vs. childless thing, just like I don't think rowdy kids in coffee shops are parents vs. childless issue; parents, too, looking for a quiet morning, are equally annoyed by rowdy kids.
-What I am saying is, stroller-pushers can be clueless. And it's dishonest to accuse me of hating on an entire group of women for pointing that out. Then again, I understand where you're coming from, because I'm sick of people complaining to me about cyclists. We, too, are just trying to get things done. We're just trying to get from place to place. Most of us signal, warn, and obey traffic rules; most of us cycle with your safety in mind. Some cyclists--just like some stroller-pushers--are clueless and aggressive, and they are as much a pain in my ass as they are in yours. I wouldn't want someone to say, 'just f*ing drive.' All this to say, my level of analysis is the behavior, not the group.
--I can also cede that my wording was needlessly provocative, but I'm not going to cede my overall point: when it's your stroller with your kid in it, it's your responsibility.

What I more generally wanted to express is a growing sense of being fed-up with a clueless society. I was thinking, as I walked down the street on Saturday, how horrendously clueless these people were and how they would get stampeded within seconds in New York, or Paris, or Tokyo. I wondered whether it was because many of them came into the city from the suburbs, or from elsewhere in the country where you don't need to be as aware of your surroundings, because you mostly get around by car (see the collectivization debates--I'm making the converse point here). Yet, you've heard me rant about clueless people walking and texting--and those are locals, so I don't know what their excuse is. The general issue is an appropriation of public space for private use. Just last weekend, I was going to rant again about theatergoers, until I realized I'd already exhausted that rant, leaving nothing new to say. What makes people think they can crunch on hard candy in a theater? Do they think no one hears them? Or engage in other behaviors we're they're acting like they're in their own living room? It's so disrespectful not just to the other theatergoers but to the people putting their heart and soul into the performance.

Note that I'm not putting every stroller-pusher in the same category--I'm not saying the act of using a stroller, per se, is an appropriation of public space. I'm saying clueless behavior with a stroller, just like clueless behavior with a smart phone, is an appropriation of public space. I didn't say this initially, because I was just linking to an article, but I'm saying it now. And like the writer of the article I linked to, I appreciate that we all end up eating our words at one point or another. Case in point: You know how I feel about Monsanto, and you know that when it came down to it, those feelings didn't stop me from using RoundUp on my poison ivy. That said, I'm going to be bold and lay out some behaviors I aspire to avoid when I become a parent:

-staying in a restaurant or movie theater while one's child is screaming;
-not trying to quiet a screaming child, or to control one who is harassing passengers, on a plane;
-becoming dull as $hit and thinking even my kids' most basic accomplishments, including their poop, are fascinating topics of conversation.

Notice I didn't say 'keep them from screaming in a restaurant or on a plane' or 'keep them from producing fascinating poop.' I know that all I can control my own behavior. All I'm saying is, I'm going to be conscious of my stroller.

1 comment:

Tmomma said...

i took a pass on the stroller link but do have to say that talking baby poop with another parent is an ok thing. and sometimes poop is really the most important thing on a parents mind. The color, texture or even the smell can be indicative of so many different issues in a baby or young child. Anyway, I never imagined I'd be one of those people to talk about poop, but it has its role in conversation and sometimes you're just so excited about it, it's hard not to talk about it.

We had to walk out of a restaurant a couple of weeks back. The service took forever and we were right around nap time and it was a total disaster. And it's not like we go out with allergy kid much anyway so it was a huge disappointment.