Phone call

(TV is running in the background)
Mom: Hold on--I can't find the remote. Where is it? (Yells dad's name.)
A.: Mom! We've talked about not yelling into the phone.
Mom: I'm trying to find the remote. Fine, I'll just turn the TV off with this other one.
A.: How's your knee.
Mom: It's okay. Neither good nor bad. We went looking for another physical therapist today, but I haven't found one I like. How are you?
A.: Good--
Mom: Why? What, specifically is good?
A.: Um... work is good, the weather's good...
Mom: What else?
A.: Not much... cat's good...
Mom: What else?
A.: I'm six business days away from my vacation.
Mom: That trip, you call that a vacation?
A.: I do. I'm looking forward to it.
Mom: What's going on there?
A.: Nothing.
Mom: I'm glad there's nothing going on somewhere in the world. What else is up?
A.: That's about it, actually.
Mom: Oh, here comes your dad. (To dad) It's A. (To phone) What else?
A.: Nothing.
Dad: Hi!
A.: Hi!
Mom: So? What else?
A.: Nothing, mom. We've about covered it.

***
and some e-mails (edited, substantially, actually, for added hilarity)

Jay: Did you see the Delhi forecast? It's going to be like 109 over the next few days... I may spontaneously combust if it's going to be that hot... Thank god for waterproof mascara and diet orange soda.
A.: You mean, you'll burst into flames? by the laws of gay physics, all it takes is 109 degrees to convert you into a twink?
Jay: No, it would take 212 degrees to turn me into a twink (for all the fat, muscle and hair that would need to disappear). But that would require a steam room, which introduces a whole other branch of gay mathematics (the trigonometry of naked twister...) Actually, it's more likely that I'll either sweat to death or just melt, due to my sugary-sweet disposition... you'd better find a cattle prod to shock me when I whine about the heat and humidity..
A.: I don't think they do cattle prods over there.