Free personality analysis

A.: Hello?
Mom: Where are you?
A.: Home. Why?
Mom: I just wanted to make sure you weren't driving.

Mom: I was thinking about you this morning. The issue is, you try to be perfect. And that makes you defensive. It's okay to be helpless sometimes. Do you know what I mean?

Mom: Well, you'll understand one day.

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I think it's really funny that Performance Bike is having a "nutrition sale." Funny in a "it's what plants crave" kind of way.

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Last week's Express had a headline I thought was a joke. Not because it was funny, but because it read like a joke: A bobcat walks into bar, bites two people.