Saturday afternoon ramble on resolutions and stuff

The statistics were against me, but I actually kept a new year's resolution last year: I meditated regularly. Not every day, and not as often as I would have liked, but 'regularly' is better than very rarely. It wasn't the first time I'd made that particular resolution, but it was the first time I kept it--hence the saying about relapse being part of recovery, or failure being the road to success, or however you want to phrase it.


Last year was actually a very good one in terms of embracing healthy behaviors and mindsets. I wrote about my decluttering kick, which feels really good even though it's largely unnoticeable to visitors, as most of the crap I got rid of--old electronics, plastic bags, broken things, ill-fitting clothes--were hidden in corners and cabinets. I also did a lot of redecorating--moving furniture and art around--as well as no-$hit home improvement (new bathtub, floors, etc.). I got rid of more stuff after the floors were replaced; once I'd brought everything downstairs (to clear the space for the flooring), I didn't find some things to be worth taking back upstairs. Freecycle saved the day for some things, but there were also some no-shows. Anyway, with the excess out, it feels like a whole new house, which helps me feel like a whole new me. Seriously: there is something to be said for not holding onto anything extraneous. Refusing to hold onto extraneous physical things reflects on one's tendency to hold onto extraneous emotional things. At least for me it does.

My dad complained last week, lightly and matter-of-factly as he was sorting through crap in the basement, that he hadn't picked a thing that was in the house; it was all mom's stocking up on stuff she found at yard sales or other sales. Conversely and ironically, mom would go on about how everything we bought, she'd bought, i.e., dad's default is 'don't buy it' so thank goodness she had the sense to override him and get these things. And I've written about mom's relentless efforts to foist stuff on me (and to get horribly offended when I didn't want something that she offered). There was, of course, the surface element of mom's being offended about any given object, but there was the underlying issue of control--of whether I would get to choose what my living space looked like, or whether mom would get to do it for me. That--together with my inherited and trained reluctance to throw anything away--made the decluttering all the more symbolic: I was actively deciding exactly what would be in my house, rather than passively living with what happened to be there.

I'd like to preserve this state of minimal stuff (those who know my house would laugh because there's still plenty of stuff) by... wait for it... not buying more stuff. I can't think of a single thing that I actually need. I hadn't formalized this as a resolution--it wasn't really on my mind, since I'm pretty good (or like to think I am) at not buying things I don't need. But this morning, as I went through and tossed out old receipts that had accumulated, it occurred to me that I'd bought a lot of stuff. Most of it was stuff I needed (or wanted with valid reasons): home and garden supplies, some much-needed furnishings, legitimately-needed clothes. But it still made me think about how I didn't want to have to keep decluttering (or cleaning out my closet) and the best way to do that was to stop buying things. Even clothes. That's right: I am going to not buy clothes for a while. Because I don't need any more clothes.

Now, I did legitimately need to buy clothes because circumstances change, as do styles: my body size changed and I found myself going to external meetings--which call for suits--more often than my existing suit collection could support. On body size: even going from the 103 pounds at which I started last year to the 100 pounds at which I now weigh in brings about a size difference. Dresses and skirts in bigger sizes still work, but I had to get new pants and blazers. But now I'm stocked up on right-sized everything (maybe I can use a smaller pair of skinny jeans, but that's about it) and I can stop shopping.

I helped the economy a lot last year (especially the home repair/improvement sector) and now it's time to take a break while others help the economy. I'm unsubscribing to deal-e-mails from my favorite stores and making a point of not going into them just because they're there. But now I'm going to go buy something I definitely need: wine.