Mom's on a roll

A.: Hello?
Mom: You don't want to see us on Thanksgiving, right?
A.: I didn't say that. I said I had some things going on that weekend...
Mom: Okay, we won't come, then.
A.: I didn't say you couldn't come. I said I wouldn't be coming up to Boston.
Mom: So we should buy the tickets?
A.: Yeah! Go for it.
Mom: Okay.
A.: I'm going to a play that Saturday but I can get you tickets as well, if you're interested. Oh, and I'm getting a haircut that morning.
Mom: A haircut?
A.: Yeah.
Mom: Who's cutting your hair?
A.: What do you mean, who's cutting my hair?
Mom: I mean, who's cutting your hair?
A.: Does it matter who's cutting my hair?
Mom: What are you, going to a salon?
A.: Yeah?
Mom: Wow, she's going to a salon.
A.: And?
Mom: Well, ti distvityelno zazhralas.

[This translates literally to, "you've really stuffed your face;" it means, "you've really let yourself go," but in the sense of "you're really dipping your proverbial balls in gold."]

A.: What?
Mom: A salon? [To dad] Do you know how much it costs to get your hair cut in a salon?
A.: How else am I supposed to get my hair cut?
Mom: I don't know. Dad and I manage without going to salons.

[Dad doesn't have much hair. Mom no longer works outside the home.]

A.: Well, I need to go get my hair cut.
Mom: You need to. You need to.
A.: Yup.
Mom: How much are you paying for this haircut?
A.: That's immaterial.
Mom: It does too matter!
A.: This conversation is over, mom.
Mom: Wow. A haircut.
A.: So, are you coming for Thanksgiving?
Mom: I don't know. Let me look at this website again.
A.: Okay.

***
A few things to keep in mind:

(1) I have a lot of f*ing hair, and it is out of control. It's not for the weak or unskilled. Some people who will remain unmentioned have described it as "Hagrid hair." It's not something I can trim on my own in a few minutes.

(2) I do not, for example, spend hundreds of dollars every two weeks on highlights. I spend around $50, every six months or so, on a professional haircut.

(3) Why am I even defending myself?