Monday evening roundup and ramble-rant

Yup, the manliness crisis is women's fault. It has nothing to do with things like he-waxes.

***

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

                                                                                 -India Arie

like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind

like what I happen to be wearing 

the day that someone takes my picture 

is my new statement for all womankind

                                                                                -Ani DiFranco
                                                                       

Let's talk about the bizarre social space of making comments to people about their appearance. I've ramble-ranted about this before, mostly with regard to weight; today, I reacted to a neutral comment about my hair with surprising annoyance. Such comments don't generally set me off or inspire me to wax philosophical, but I've been irritable (see my two altercations with customer service people over the weekend).

Now, mom would argue that the reason I get "defensive" about my hair, my weight, etc. (in mom's case, the list would including my lips, my skin, and who knows what else) is that I'm not happy with those things, but I continually argue that I just don't want to hear it. Especially with regard to food: I'm very happy with my food; that doesn't mean I want to justify it continually.

But I've jumped ahead. Let's take the kinds of comments one can make about another's appearance:

(1) Pure compliments: "You look great!"
(2) Backhanded compliments: "You age very well, especially for [your ethnicity]."
(3) Clumsy compliments: "You look so much nicer than you always do! Special occasion?"
(4) Retroactive insults: "You look great! Before, you looked like a whale."
(5) Inquisitive questions: "Have you lost weight?" "Have you cut your hair?"
(6) Straight-up comments: "Your hair is straight."
(7) Nosy questions: "Why have you straightened your hair?"

If you can't say (1) or (5), don't say anything at all. There is no reason to. If you're just throwing things out there to make conversation, find something more interesting to make conversation about. I don't know what to say to an inquisitive “your hair is straight.” Yes, it f*ing is. We had this conversation last weekend. Sometimes my hair is straight. Who the f* cares? I sure don't. If you need help making more interesting conversation--to quote that Jezebel article, again--go read a book or something.