Don't wrap valuables in gross paper towels, or think you had

"You exercise enough!"

It's funny she should say this because I insisted on running, since I always run when I'm here. It's almost a ritual. I've been doing it long before the tubbiness; I did it even around the time several years ago when she nagged me endlessly about being tubby and I didn't listen to her. I just didn't care then, didn't notice. It's okay to be tubby at 26, even a little anti-establishment, if you will. Tubby at 30 is just a cliche, of which I want no part.

***

As I pulled my bandana up over my face I lost an earring (it's okay, the remaining one will join my collection of partnerless earrings). She said not to worry, she'll give me hers, she has diamond earrings.

"You have diamond earrings?"
"Where have you been?"
"Oh, yeah- the ones you blamed me for not losing."
"No, that was the ring."

Many years ago before a long trip, my mom hid her ring such that she couldn't find it upon returning. As she was looking for it, she recalled getting home from the trip and tossing something from the fridge. She didn't check what it was but it was gross and wrapped in a greasy paper towel. She "realized" that that was where she hid the ring, and accused me of failing to remind her, even though she'd asked me to, that that's where she'd hidden the ring. She was really upset about having lost this ring. I didn't remember her telling me to remind her that it was in a gross paper towel in the fridge. Because it wasn't- she found it later in her bank safe.