Saturday morning rant/ramble

Earlier this week, I linked to an article about food as a source of fighting for couples. According to the article, food is such a touchy subject because it's one of the first ways we assert our independence, our own preferences. I added that that concept held much explanatory power with regard to my mom's constantly nagging or even asking me about food, and my resistance to want to talk about (or defend) it. I'd also blogged last fall about my annoyance with small talk--some types in particular--and conclusion that extroverts welcome it because it's a way to start a conversation, while introverts like me hate it, because it's a way to start a conversation. For example, I would come downstairs in a suit, and RM would ask me whether I was biking to work that morning. For him, way to start a conversation. For me, shut the f* up and stop wasting my time.

Bear with me, my point is coming.

Mom is both controlling and extroverted. I bristle when presented with the tactics of controlling people and aggressive extroverts.

I'm also not into explaining minor decisions, and I don't appreciate being expected to do so. I don't ask people about minor decisions (or other characteristics), because I have enough respect for them that I figure there's a good reason for what they're doing, or a highly personal one. I think it's rude to ask someone why they're walking funny, because even though it could be something minor, like a sprained ankle, it could also be something serious that they don't want to talk about. I don't ask people why they're not eating a certain food, because it's none of my f*ing business.

But my mother's not a stranger at a party or in the office, she gets some leeway in terms of asking personal questions. Which is not to say it's not annoying. And we have a long list of conversations I'm sick of having with my mother, of which I will only sample here:

-No, I don't drink coffee every day. Yes, I know it's healthy.

-I don't care that "rice doesn't make you fat because people in Asia eat it and they're not fat." I don't like rice.

-No, I don't need a TV in my kitchen so I can watch the weather.

And so on. Note that list does not include conversations I'm sick of having that don't concern personal choices--we can save that for another time.

So, there's also my bedtime, which is my mother's favorite thing to talk about with me, after what I eat and the weather. And I can't win on bedtime--if I call pretty much any time in the evening, mom asks why I'm not in bed. And if she calls and gets my voice mail, she leaves a message saying, "what, you're in bed already?"

I don't remember what time I turned off my phone last night, but that's not the point. Let's say I had decided to turn in at 7pm. So the f* what? Do you think I want to discuss it? I am not retired--I am contractually obligated to leave the house every day, and on the particular day that was yesterday, I relied on the steaming pile of $hit that is the Metro to get me home from work--and it did, an hour and a half later. Don't get me wrong--I fully prefer that to not getting home at all. But I got home tired--even more so than I'd have been anyway at the end of the week--and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to read and crossword. Is that okay?

You may be thinking, "relax! it's just a rhetorical question." But it isn't. That's the thing. It's another one of mom's attempts to manage every aspect of my life. Including my bedtime. Remember the time, when I was living in Wales, I left her a message saying, "I'm not feeling well, going to bed early, please don't call tonight;" and she called me after 10pm my time to tell me she got the message? It bugs the $hit out of her that I have a phone that I can turn off (and a home phone for which the ringer is always off), so she brings it up every time she has to leave me a message.

Wow, I just wasted a lot of time and space to tell you what you already know, but I am trying to make a bigger point here--little things can represent big things. See the Journal articles. See "The Odd Couple." That's what I need to do--channel the little stuff into a play. One of these days.