Apologies to Samuel L. Jackson

Remember those nazguls flying overhead in Return of the King? I mean the film, but I suppose you could remember those in the book if your imagination serves you-- but you'll have to imagine some very intense screeching.

Have you got it? Do you have that shrill screeching in your head?

That's pretty much what I was subjected to, in addition to the occasional kick in the seatback, from the row behind me.

My new noiseblockers (Panasonic HC500, not Bose, I'm not a millionaire) helped somewhat, but they were no match for that thing.

All I can say is, I am sick of motherf***in' kids on motherf***in' planes!

You know what else doesn't make for an entirely pleasant flight? When the person in the seat next to you is taking up a fourth of your seat (maybe a fifth, but still). I don't recall specifying, when I made my reservation, that I would only need four-fifths of a seat. The cost of the ticket did not reflect a 20% discount, so I'm not sure why I had to make do with only 80% of a seat.

Now I know that the first thing you'll hear from someone who's about to make a racist remark is that they're not racist (the second thing, a la Colbert, is "I have a black friend"). I know that it rings hollow to say that I see obesity as a health issue, not a personality disorder. And yes, I have an obese friend that I care about a lot. All I'm saying is, I wish people who require more than one seat, would purchase more than a whole seat, rather than encroach on any fraction of mine.