Friday morning

I've always hated it when mom insisted on talking to me while I was trying to read the paper, but this is something I'm trying to get over in consideration of her illness. Even if what she's saying is confused and repetitive. The content is not the point.

She'd been rambling on for a good half-hour when my phone rang. I got up to get it.

Mom: Fine! I won't talk to you at all!
A.: Mom, my phone is ringing.
Mom: Oh, okay.

The "Fine! I won't talk to you at all" is becoming a tic, like "you've put on weight" and "you're nothing to me."

Now she's onto gossiping about the neighbors again. Do I have to listen to that?

Mom: She dropped out of school to take care of the baby.
A.: You've told me this.
Mom: Should I stop talking?
A.: About this? Yes.
Mom: I think I should just stop talking to you in general.

I did my best to take one for the team to keep mom in a decent mood, but I'm really done with the neighbors' out-of-wedlock births.

Mom: Your visit brings me no joy whatsoever, so feel free to visit less often.
A.: I will.

***
Mom is not unlike an MRA, or RM. She only responds to boundaries, poorly. Her fit last night was not only like Arizona, but also like so many I remember throughout my childhood. I won't go so far as to say that she enjoys terrorizing her family, but she doesn't have a healthier way for engaging with us. "I did all this work and you're inconsiderate and you ruined it all"--the gist of what she screamed for hours at my dad last night before the party--is just. what. she. does. Of course she doesn't understand the effect it has on people now, but she never has. And because she wouldn't know how to communicate her grievances constructively were they legitimate--the tool of "when you move my things, it makes it more difficult for me to find them" is not one she'd choose even if it were shared with her--she receives any such communication offensively. Just like RM couldn't understand "it's not personal but I don't want to engage in a conversation with you right now" until it became personal because he didn't understand it, mom doesn't understand "I'm on the phone" or "I'm reading the paper, let's have this conversation later." She never has (as I mentioned, I didn't even bother trying it now). Because she takes it personally, she responds by insisting on my attention, and things escalate.

I guess I can work on my patience, but I have my limits. I really don't want to fucking hear about the neighbors again. Enough is enough.