Eager to move on, I'd only summarized the parting words that RM and I exchanged before he left, but as two of his came to mind the other day, I thought I'd expound.
RM: I'm sorry I turned out to be the most horrible roommate ever.
A.: You weren't. [I mean, he was horrible, but because of the phrasing of his comment, I was able to reply politely without lying]. We had very different personalities.
RM: We did. I tried.
A.: I did, too.
RM: You did?
A.: Of course.
He was surprised that I tried, and while I knew that he "tried," the reality was that he'd need to try smarter, not harder. That means that when someone asks you to back off, you give them space; you don't give them inappropriate gifts, block the doorway to their office and stare at them, or burst into their office and touch their feet. If you do all that and think you're trying, you're beyond help.
At the same time--for a few days, I tried to cut RM some slack, but it didn't last--I can see how hard it is to truly identify with the opposite personality type. Extroverts draw energy from other people; introverts are drained by many types of social interaction. I understand that intellectually, but it's hard for me to imagine that someone would actually want to have a social interaction when they're very tired. Someone called me last night just as I walked in the door with the newly revaccinated Gracie, and the conversation was just a huge drain. The issue was partly timing--just as it was that first weekend that RM and I were in the house together, after I returned from St. Lucia on Thursday, went out on Friday, and spent much of Saturday and Sunday volunteering, grocery shopping, dealing with photos and writing up travel notes, and was just about to watch some TV and read when RM decided it would be a great time to have an aggressive get-to-know-your-roommate conversation. But--you know how people either love or hate "He's Just Not That into You"? I personally love it, for the most part, but I'm wary of the assertion that if someone is that into you, they actually will want to talk to you at the end of a long day. I don't think there's anyone on the planet I would have wanted to talk to last night. In theory, RM, for example, had he been operating under the same schedule--long work days, something or other every evening of the week--would have drawn energy from a social interaction. In practice, I find that so unfathomable that I almost understand how he'd struggle to fathom the opposite about me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment