Change what you don't have to accept

Another thing is, dad doesn't listen.

I'm sure I've complained here before about the walk, and I'm pretty sure I've even made the point that the walk is a microcosm of dad's willingness to mitigate's mom's issues.

My parents live a short drive from a lovely trail on the river. I used to run there, back in the day, and it's still my favorite walk. For whatever reason, dad likes to park at an entrance to the trail that's just by a major, nasty intersection. I suppose we've always done this, but traffic has gotten heavier, and mom's gotten worse at crossing streets. I hate crossing any street with mom, but this is a particularly bad situation. Mom won't cross at the crosswalk; it's not in her DNA. So she pretty much has to jay-walk on a busy street.

So dad's driving to the trail, and I suggest that we drive farther down where there's a parking lot on the same side of the street as the trail.

Dad: We always park here.
A.: And it's always a nightmare to cross the street. If we park in the lot, we don't have to cross the street. And you know how much fun it is to cross the street with mom.
Dad: She crosses here just fine.

He parks across the street. A car stops and let them cross. On the way back, I try to get mom to cross at the crosswalk; she doesn't. We walk a bit farther down, toward the car. Mom keeps trying to step into the street, where there's a steady stream of cars, but dad doesn't let her. Dad's frustrated. Finally the traffic lets up a bit but not entirely, and we all manage to cross the street.

A.: See, wasn't that fun?
Dad: You win.
A.: Next time you'll park at the parking lot?
Dad: Next time I'll park at the parking lot.

There didn't need to be a this time. And that's the case with many things. Some mom situations are unavoidable, but others are quite avoidable. But dad doesn't think about how to avoid them.


***
Today is Nina's dad's birthday, and he's having a big party (that Nina's in town for). This is a large part of why I'm here. Dad has been fussing about how we need enough time to get mom ready, because she takes ages to get ready (especially now that all her clothes are piled up on a couch).

A.: Do you know what you're going to wear tonight?
Mom: I'm going like this.
A.: To the party??
Mom: Why not?
A.: Because you're wearing shorts and a tank top.
Mom: So?
A.: So it's your best friend's birthday.
Mom: People dress however they want.
A.: What people?
Mom: I don't have to listen to you! I'll go however I want.
A.: Okay, suit yourself.
Mom: As if I'm going to dress up! How do you expect me to dress?
A.: As if you respect the man whose birthday it is.
Mom: What are you wearing?
A.: A dress.
Mom: Okay, I'll think about it.

***
Now she's throwing a loud screaming fit accusing dad of having moved all of her stuff. She threatened not to go to the party. Dad just left the area. She's still screaming and slamming doors. Dad said this is her first angry fit in a week or so, which is rarer than usual.